in which duke tells din that he's not alone.
based on the song, see through by amelia moore.
thank you for reading and enjoy 💕
side note: i'm capitalizing din's name so nobody gets confused!
duke had seen it. he knew something was wrong long before din suddenly stopped showing up for AMP streams.
it started off slow. a missed breakfast here, a short reply. Din pulling away quickly from his husband hugs, brushing off offering date nights with excuses that didn't make sense.
duke decided to give him space as he figured he was tired as being burnout is real; especially with the non-stop of content creation.
but when the days turned into weeks of his behavior and he started not coming out the room, duke's thoughts started becoming concern.
he didn't seen Din laugh in a long time.
not a real laugh anyway—the kind that crinkled his eyes and made him snort mid-sentence. even during filming, Din's smile seemed thinner like it was fake on him. it was long enough to satisfy the fans before vanishing once the camera cut.
their fan and his fanbase noticed too—chat messages asking if he was okay and social media playing a part with all the speculation. duke read them all, each one with a little thorn attached to his heart.
they were hurtful.
most were talking about his size, saying how he was gaining it back after he marathon just 2 months before. they spoke on how he's becoming even more bigger than he was a few years back when he was making 2K content.
and it clicked right then and there.
it wasn't about the stress.
it wasn't about the burnout.
it was shame. it was shame that Din had gained weight again.
when he found out the real reason, he started watching Din more carefully. the way Din lingered in doorways like he wasn't sure if he was welcome. how Din stopped taking showers with duke and he avoided mirrors in the whole apartment. how his hands always tugged at the hem of his hoodie or jacket, like he was trying to cover himself up.
but duke didn't understand why he would listen. he loved Din at 330 pounds. he loved him through every stage of the weight loss, during all the messy drama moments between their years together. but he always know how much Din had his worth tied to the scale. how much he fought hard to change his body, thinking things would be better.
now, duke stood in the doorway of their shared bedroom, his heart ached.
the bed was untouched. their anniversary was four days away, and Din had barely looked him in the eyes in weeks.
duke felt himself losing control, knowing that he wanted to show Din that it doesn't matter.
he crossed the room, noticed the soft breeze that was coming through the balcony door.
he peeked closer, and there he was.
Din.
he was curled up like he was trying to disappear, away from everyone.
duke stepped closer to the door, quietly opening the door further.
he didn't call out right away. he just stood in the doorway, taking the sight of the man he loved more than anything in the world—his shoulders hunched, his body tense, red nose and the moonlight painting a light blue color on him.
"Din?" he broke the silence.
he waited a few seconds. no response.
he stepped out onto the marble floor, socked feet nearly silent. Din didn't flinch. he just stared at the ring on his finger, twisting it slowly like he was winding back time.
duck crouched beside him, close but not touching.
"baby, talk to me....please."
it took a moment for Din, but he cracked open—like a fitting into a new shirt.
"i can't do this anymore, duke."
the pain in his voice was punch to the gut.
duke felt his stomach turned upside down.
"do what?" he asked gently.
"this. smiling like i'm okay. but i'm not. when i look in the mirror and i see the old me, but worse..." he explained, "i'm so tired duke. i let everyone down. me. you. the fans..."
duke heart ached.
"don't say that. you haven't let anyone down."
din laughed, "don't lie. i did that marathon, worked so hard to change just to for me to land right back where i started. i gained everything back...all forty pounds in silence. and i couldn't even tell my own husband. i couldn't even look you in the face."
duke couldn't find his words as every word he heard hurt him. he hated to see his husband in this position. he didn't think it was this bad.
duke moved closer, sitting beside him now.
"you think i love less because of that?"
that sat with Din. he bit his lip before finally making eye contact with the man he been avoiding this whole time.
"i don't know...how could you not? i'm not the man you married."
"you're exactly the man i married," he said confidently, "you're strong and kind, funny when you're not joking at all. that's who i seen when i finally met you in 2018. nothing changed since then love, it only made me fall in love even more. not for your body."
Din's voice finally cracked, "but i hate how i look. how my thoughts make me feel how i feel now. i thought if i changed, change for you, all the pain would stop. but it didn't."
"i know love," duke said, reaching to get his hand, "but you need to stop thinking like that. how you talk to yourself like that. stop blaming yourself."
"duke it's so hard not to feel like i failed..."
"you didn't fail love. you're human. it happens and i won't let this break you. not on my watch," he said, now wiping the tears away from his face.
the older pulled him into a hug, letting the wet tears get on his hoodie. he didn't care. Din needed him, and needed him bad. he needed all the love that duke had, something that he been avoiding because of his insecurities.
"you don't have to fight your body to feel right or to earn my love," duke whispered in his husband's ear, "you always had me."
Din felt his heart break even more. he knew it was a safe place to be in his husband arms but his thoughts said otherwise.
he felt so horrible.
"i-i'm so sorry duke..." he said, his voice leaving his throat.
"don't apologize. it's not your fault." duke said, brushing through his dreads.
"i got you...we in this together."
and that's what Din needed to hear.
