Ungullible

CHAPTER 22: WHEN IT HURTS

My father came to visit. It was unexpected. I hadn't thought he'd find me here, but who was I kidding? He's always had his ways. If Nannu didn't tell him, then maybe he followed her the day she dropped off my clothes. I'm not sure; but I'm certain it was one of the two.

He didn't come with anger or demands. He said he wasn't there to drag me back home. He just... missed me. Missed the quiet presence I used to bring into the house; the way it felt less hollow when I was around. And I missed him too.

He told me he thought we were fine. That everything was okay... until I didn't come back. That was when it hit him; I had left, really left. And that maybe he didn't know me as well as he thought. He said he knew I needed space, and he wasn't trying to take that from me. He just wanted to check on me. To be near me, even if it was only for a moment.

Jason, his aunt, and his uncle kept their distance, but I could feel them watching from nearby. Not intruding, just... on guard. They could feel the tension, the weight of what this moment meant for me. And somehow, they understood that even in my silence, I needed them there, quietly protecting me while I stood face to face with someone, I wasn't ready to let back in, but I shouldn't blame him.

We sat on the porch  not too close, the space between us filled with years of silence and unspoken things. His eyes searched mine like he was trying to find the version of me he used to know, the one who sat in the room without flinching at the silence.

"I didn't leave to punish you, or make you feel guilty" I said, my voice calm, almost too calm. "I left because I didn't know how to exist in that house anymore."

He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. I could see it in his face, he wanted to say he was sorry, to admit he should've done more. But I shook my head gently.

"It's not that you disappeared," I continued. "You were there. Physically. You kept things going; food in the fridge, doors locked, bills paid, a caretaker"

I looked down at my hands, then back at him.

"But I was breaking. Quietly. And you didn't see it. Or maybe you didn't know what to do with it. I needed someone who could sit with that kind of pain without fixing it. Without telling me it would pass or that I needed to be strong."

His jaw clenched, just slightly. "I thought being strong for you meant holding it all in. I didn't want to scare you with how lost I felt after she left but I did it all wrong; how I treated you, how I neglected you."

"I get that," I said softly. "I really do."

A breeze passed between us, soft, pulling at the edge of my sleeve.

"I don't blame you for not being the person I needed," I added. "But I needed something else. And when I knew I wouldn't find it there, I just... I just had to go."

He nodded slowly, the weight of my words settling on his shoulders like something familiar. "I didn't know how to be that kind of father. But I wish I had tried harder to learn. I am trying right now if you would allow me"

For a moment, we just stood there; not as strangers, not as a healed family either, but as two people trying to meet somewhere between the past and the present.

"I'm not asking you to come back and live with me if that's not what you want," he said finally. "I just wanted to see you. To make sure you were okay. The news of your mother was too much to take in at the moment"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I'm still figuring that out," I said. "But I think... I'm getting there."

"I'm happy you get people around you who give you what I couldn't" he said and smiled at me

"I'm also happy to have them" I replied.