Please Don't Save Me [BkDk]

Fuck this

KATSUKI POV:(Chapter 14)
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!!TW!!
Swearing
Mentions of blood
Mentions of attempted suicide
Smoking
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I rocked in my bed, gripping a pillow as I blasted music into my ears. My headphones secured on me as I obliterated another piece of scrumpled paper.

My room was a complete mess. A fucking war zone even. Just from my bed I could see; sizzling paper, notes, clothes thrown around, desk cluttered, notes unorganized.

It wasn't at all what is usually looks like. 'I can't get that fucking image out of my head. His hair messy, arms stained with blood, tears streaked on his cheeks.'

'Fuck why did my heart hurt that bad..for fucks sake. I can't get it out of my damn mind. FUCK WHY. Why did my hands start shaking.'

'He fucking noticed. They all noticed how fucking weak I was in that moment. For fucks sake honestly...its always me isn't it. That gets exposed for weak shit like that.'

'Why is it always fucking me. You know what I don't give a fuck. I'm going for a walk'

I stood up stubbornly against the pain in my legs from my sprinting earlier. I groaned as I stretched, putting my phone in my pocket as well as my student Id, a pack and a lighter.

Walking over to the door, I opened it loudly to assert dominance in the building as if I hadn't been crying hours before.

Placing my hands in my pockets, I hunched over and sped walk towards downstairs, not being bothered to care about anyone seeing me.

I put a quick scowl on my face, glaring in any direction i felt someone's eyes linger on me any longer than half a second.

As soon as I was out of sight of the extras, I practically sprinted down the stairs and out of the building, walking quickly over to the forest.

Pulling out the pack of cigarettes, I fumbled with them in my hand as I tried to ignore how much my hands were shaking despite it being a bit warm ignoring the time.

I hadn't noticed my breathing had sped up until I brought a shaky hand to my chest, wrapping up the paper into a roll and bringing it to my lips.

Putting the roll in the corner of my mouth, I grumbled as I gripped the lighter, trying to light it quickly without dropping it.

Just as I thought that, my hands failed me and I dropped the lighter but it fell into a bush and I couldn't be bother to bend down and get it so I brought a trembling hand up to the cigarette and let small explosions out of my hand.

I produced a small spark on the end of the roll, eyes lighting up immediately as I breathed in deeply, pulling it away from my mouth with a shaky breath.

Bringing it to my mouth once again, I started wandering around the forest, I checked the time quickly on my phone, it should be okay if I left UA premecise.

I fumbled with my student Id card, i looked around and silently walked towards the gates. Cigarette still in my mouth as I tapped my card, the gates opening slowly.

Parading out of the school, I glanced both ways before deciding to head to the river. It was close enough and fairly nice.
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- Ten minutes later -
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I stumbled into my childhood forest, breathing heavily which I shouldn't be because of my build. 'Am I eating too much again?'

Glancing around I spotted the bend, I hopped over immediately, jumping over stones and rounding trees quickly as I was met face to face with the calm waters.