Deep Regression

Dont Want To Remember

Chapter Playlist: Trouble by Coldplay, Everything's not lost by Coldplay.

As I sit against the island in our...well, my kitchen I look over at the spot where the blood had been cleaned up and her body taken. I look over at the spot where my only friend had died moments ago.
Why did she have to die? Why did I kill her? Why am I murderer?
My eyes rapidly blink at the dark wooden floor and the questions still ramble through my head. I can't take it!
"No, I'm not staying here, not another day."
I pick myself off the ground and march out of the apartment. I refuse to take this as anything less then another victim of mine. Everyone dies around me, everyone.
The blood slowly drying against my skin as I try and come back to Earth for my family. My family.
I whip open the door and walk out into the perfectly normal hallway. It acts as if nothing happened and everything is peaceful. I could punch a hole in it.
My feet carry me to my neighbors door and I can't exactly remember why I came to this door. The recollection of hearing moaning and panting coming through the wall comes to mind and I cringe. Now I know why, some rough sex to take the memories and pain away would do me good.
My hand knocks affirmatively on their door and I rock on my heels as I wait. I hear loud laughing and shouting come from the other side and a coil of anger wraps around my stomach.
The black door opens and there's my neighbor. Brown haired, small boned, short neighbor. He isn't good looking but I don't need him to be to get what I need.
"Hi...Selena...uh, Im sorry about your-"
I lean in and land my lips on his disgusting lines for lips. He kind of tries to push me off and doesn't really kisses me back.
"Woah, woah, Off!" He commands me.
"Please, please Keep going!" I beg him.
"What's going on?" A husky low voice asks behind him.
I pull away and my eyes dart to the other man. He has two bags in his hands and looks like he's leaving.
"I HAVE NO IDEA! She just started kissing me!?!?" The scrawny man argues.
"Whimp." I mutter.
He darts his eyes to me and his fists ball at his sides. My neighbor looks really pissed.
"Be careful what you say, I can take you down." He threatens.
"Oh-"
"Shut up Spencer, any women can take you." His roommate stands up for me.
I hold back a laugh as Spencer mentally slaps his roommate. Then it all falls silent, and perfect timing to check this new guy out.
He has dirty blonde hair that I just want to rake my hands through. Big broad shoulders, buff chest, large enough arms, brown eyes that make me melt slightly, and then there was his carefree smile. All his white teeth glittering at me.
"Here's the spare key Spencer, have a good life." This new guy says to him and brushes past me.
I blink out of my trance and follow him down the hallway until he passes by my apartment.
"HEY WAIT!" I yell to him.
He turns back around to me with a bewildered expression. His shoulder square up and the black bags in his hands hang at his hips.
"Yes?" His voice deep again.
"Do you need a place to stay?" I watch his expressions carefully.
"Uh, Sure I guess." He shrugs his shoulders as he walks to me in front of my apartment.
"Okay, Come in and I'll show you to your room."
He casually walks past me into the apartment and the slightest touch of his hand was foreign to me.
"Door to the left." My voice in full control.
I know what I need from him, and I hope he'll accept my offer. He opens Jane's door and I follow inside to an empty room. Everything of hers had been disposed of and taken from me. It's as if she were never here.
"Thanks, I'll get rent money to you tomorrow."
I turn and watch his eyes grow warmer in the dark light. He was something to look at, very attractive.
"Okay, Well, I'm Selena."
"Peter." He holds his hand out and I shake it cautiously.
"Rules, No going in my room, you must knock before you enter, do your dishes, and please just try not to let your "noises" with another girl go through the wall."
I turn around as I see smirk on his face. Carrying myself over to my room for some sleep. The dark wood boards creaking as I walk across it.
My life is sad, terribly so, but I can't let it control me anymore. I will beat these memories at their own game.
The door handle fits coldly in my hand and I shiver at the thought of falling asleep again without what I need.
Reluctantly I continue to walk inside and just fall right onto my mattress. Curling up into the mangled excuse for a blanket.
Today was taxing, but I fear the silence of the dark. There's no noise to distract me from my memories. I close my eyes slowly and pray not to remember.
"Miss...Miss..."
I turn to my right and see the burning car at the side of the rode, along with four body bags zipped up neatly. Streaks of blood dragging on the cement to where I am at now.
"Miss, What is your name!?" He repeats to me.
"They're gone, all of them."
"I need your name!" The urgency in his voice startling me.
"Sel-Se-Selena." I fumble with my name.
I'm the only one who survived, Why did I survive? All of them never to return to life except for me. It's all my fault.
"It's all your fault you know." The medic repeats to me.