Deep Regression

Past Month with Peter

Chapter playlist: One by Ed sheeran, Photograph by Ed Sheeran.
Things are starting to go about like routine around here. Workout all day, pay the bills with my job as a waitress, sleeping with Peter at night to keep the memories at bay, and so far it has been going really well. Even though everyday he asks me the same stupid fucking question. What are you hiding?
Never had I thought my patience dry out on someone so fast. I think since he's moved in in the past month that I've said every insulting name to him in the book. Peter is really annoying sometimes though.
"Selena?"
"What?" my voice whispers softly in my room.
"How are you?" He comes in and sits down at the edge of my bed.
"Good enough to survive."
"Good, I guess..." He stops talking and I wait.
"Anything else?" I slam my pencil down while he remains quiet.
"You wanna fool around?" He shrugs.
"I'm working."
"No, not like that. I mean, do you want to go for a run?"
I look over my shoulder at him and he looks completely different than he did the past two weeks.
"Uh, ya, sounds good."
"Kay, I'm going to put my shoes on and I'll be by the door."
He exits and I wonder what the hell all that was about. He never asks me out on a run, he just goes with me or by himself. What's happened to him?
I let go of my pencil and shut my art journal. Narrowing out where everything is, my running shoes are at the end of my bed, my workout clothes are in my closet, earbuds plugged into phone by the bed. Break!
I fly across my room pulling on and taking off my clothes. Tying and fastening my shoes. Grabbing onto my earbuds was the last thing.
As I exit my room I pull my hair up into a high ponytail, hopefully my hair won't fly around my face.
"Woah." I hear someone whisper.
I pull my eyes off the floor and onto the shoes of Peter. Trailing up I see his brightly colored shorts, and then his bare chest. He's not going to wear a shirt today? I continue and see his brown eyes looking at me.
"Woah?" I walk towards the door and grab ahold the door knob.
"Uh...Ya, you look pretty fugly today." He didn't mean it, so I'm not going to press back.
"Thanks..."
I put my earbuds in as my feet descend the staircases, and out the door of the building with Peter behind me.
This is it. This is where I get all the pain out. I don't bother warming up, exploding into an incredulous run is my workout.
Peter doesn't fall behind, always right beside me as I continue to speed up and try to out run him. There's the slightest hand brush against my arm and I know who it was. My heart flutters slightly and I pull my earbuds out of my ear. The sound of my breathing and his breathing was all I ever heard. Not the people with heels on cement, not the constant phone calls, not the wind blowing in the trees, and not the chirping birds. Just Peter's and my breathing.
"So...how's your run?" He asks me.
"Fine, yours?"
"I'm not lying when I say that I'm sweating my balls off."
I smirk at the thought of making him sweat. Good, and here's the kick in our workout. I really push forward with each step and run like a madwoman to the end gate.
"Tell me about yourself Selena."
"Really, and why would you want to know something about me?"
"Because you interest me, it'd help to know that I'm not sleeping with a complete stranger." He chuckles at the end.
"I'm fine with the idea of us being strangers." I counter as I begin to slow down and come to a normal speed walk.
My breathing slowing and turning normal again. Peter still at my side decides to take the lead. Why isn't he leaving to go back to the apartment?
"I'm not, and here's what I figure. I think you need me more than what I thought, I think you need me to fuck you for a reason that hasn't been said, not because you like it."
"Peter, Tha-"
"And I think that if you don't tell me about you, I will stop everything."
I immediately stop in front of a bakery shop with Peter turning around to face me. I shake my head and my breathing fails. He can't do that, I need the sex for my therapy!
"You wouldn't." My eyes narrow at him as he smiles devilishly.
"Oh, I would." He walks to me and stops once he's in front of me.
"Fine, but we're going somewhere private."
"Good with me." His smirk grows wider.
I roll my eyes at all of this and he grabs ahold of my hand before I could say or do anything else. All I see is Peter's back of his head and the passing faces. Then I'm pulled into an alley way with him, all the way to the center back of it.
"Peter?"
He pushes me up against the brick wall and barricades the way out of this.
"Tell me who you are." His voice demanding an aggressive answer.
"Selena Sanders, born and raised in Innovate."
"Favorite thing to do?"
"Boxing and running."
"Favorite food?"
"Spaghetti."
"Why do you hide behind a secret?"
"What?"
"Your hiding behind something and I want to know what it is."
"No, no going to happen."
He comes closer and I can't help but gaze farther into his beautiful brown eyes. His chiseled jawline, and his nice plush lips. I can't help the flutter in my heart and the heat running to my cheeks.
"Yes you are."
"You wouldn't understand."
"I wouldn't..."
"Yes, you wouldn't, I don't tell my secret because it's too distraught and disturbing that I literally can't tell, and it's the only reason why I need the pain in my body that you and my workouts give me. It's the only way to keep all the pain and memories at bay."
I let a tear slip out and I think he saw because the next thing I saw was him softening. Peter's hand trails up my arm and I shiver in response. It goes up my neck and wipes the tear off my face as he cups my cheek.
"Selena, Come on, just let it out."
"I can't don't you ge-"
His lips are on mine and I gasp in shock at how good it feels. My hands electrify against his chest and I hate to think that i was so blind to see the signs. The signs that he actually likes me. The hand brushing, the eye staring, the slow times in sex that lasts a second because I need him to go faster, and then the times when we run together.
Our lips move in sync and I never thought that a kiss could feel as good as this. My body moving against his and then I hear his hard breathing. It made my heart sputter and uncontrollable. My conscience kicks in and I shake my head in the middle of our session. No, this can't be happening, no matter how good it feels, and how bad I want it.
"No, Peter, I don't want this." do I?
"Selena, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"God, Why the fuck did you do that?"
"I couldn't help it Selena, I just..."
"Dammit Peter! We were supposed to be fuck buddies but not this! What the fuck!"
I run out of the alley way and onto the crowded pavement. What the fuck just happened?