Deep Regression

Are You Depressed?

There's only one thing that seems to be running through my mind...
It's not the knife in Peter's side; Not the face of Kevin; Not the Accident of my family; Not even Jane.
It's us. Peter and I. I go through all our times together.
The first time He kissed me, how sweet and infatuating it was. When I said 'I love you' and he didn't believe me. Then the times when we were in bed, on the couch, or just walking and we'd touch. Hold hands, pull each other close, and whisper words. Those times when we'd just stare into each other's eyes. The first time he loved me with his whole being, no regrets about it. I love those moments, and I love him.
I know that he can handle himself, that this was just...something that unfortunately happened...And I'm not going to leave him. I refuse to be so cowardly as to leave a fight, but I need to figure this out. We, need to figure this out.
Peter knows how much this hurts me, and all he wants is to make sure I'm okay.
"Sel-Selen-Selena." The doctors voice cuts in and out.
"Sel-Selen-Selena Sa-Sand-Sanders."
I take in a huge breath and open my eyes automatically. Sitting up in a hospital bed while trying to revive myself.
"PETER! Peter!" I scream out.
"Miss, stay calm!"
A nurse tries to hold me down but I can't help it. I need him. I need him as much I want him. A combination like that...doesn't walk past me everyday, or ever.
I fight the nurse and push her aside as I run out the room in search of his.
"PETER!"
I continue to run, but a couple of other male nurses, strong Male Nurses, grab me by my shoulders and drag me back to my room.
"NO! Please let me go!" I begin to beg them.
They continue to drag me until they get me back on my bed. Holding my arms and my whole body down.
"Please, Let me go." I plead as tears form.
"Wait!" They shout at me.
I look to my left and see the doctor. His face kind and slightly concerned.
"Miss. Sanders, hi, I'm doctor Helm. I was assessing your condition and your fine, perfectly healthy."
"So I can go."
"Wait, I rummaged through your files and found three reports now, on you."
"Oh God."
"Your Families car accident, Your roommates premature death, and your boyfriend's accident. I have one question, Are you depressed?"
"What?"
"You have symptoms of uneasiness in sleep, and your lined with bruises."
"I'm not Ill, I do not feel depressed, only worried about him. I want to see him, I need to."
"You will. Now...at any point have you felt depressed?"
"No."
I lie knowing the true answer. Yes, every goddamn day of my childhood. I've felt so alone, so pushed aside, and so beaten. I cried countless times and I've snapped until I couldn't bare it.
"Your sure?"
I couldn't do it, I'm not a liar, not matter what could happen to me. Time to man up and face my inner demons.
"No, I've been depressed before."
"When?"
"My childhood up until I turned 18."
"What fixed it?"
"It wasn't entirely fixed...It was forgotten, subsided, by physical pain."
"So Exercise?"
"Yes, and the occasional rough sex."
"Is it still being subsided Miss. Sanders?"
"No, Ever since Peter has come into my life and taken Kevin's place...He's made me clear all of it out...He is my therapy."
"Therapy?"
"If I keep having him, I'll get better."
"Alright, I have one last question."
"Please-"
"Are you depressed now?"
It was supposed to be a hard question to answer, but in all honesty...it was easy.
"No." I softly answer.
"Goodt, now that we have all those questions answered. Your free to leave, perfect health, perfect illness control, just clear. Bye, hope to see you away from the hospital." He says as he exits.
I'm free.
The nurses leave and let me be except for one.
"He's in room 105." He whispers to me as he leaves in the blue scrubs.
Peter, so close.
I immediately get up off the bed and run outside my door. Room 55, 50 more to go.
My eyes scan the numbers and notice how it goes up to the left of me, so I run, I run to him once again.
Hopefully this time he isn't having sex with some girl because he needs it for the pain.
Peter, I'm running to you, Be here still, please be here. My heart pleads with all my soul.