sober // s.wilk

(14) You've seen a Ghost

"They hate me." I say, scrolling down the long list of replies on the tweet. I took into consideration of what Nash and Matthew said, but I didn't know it was this brutal.

(I am not associated with any of these users in any way, if they're real.)

@amandaaburgs: wait so Sam is seriously dating that potato with legs?

@allisonnnadams: so @aviachristopher is his girlfriend? didn't know Sam had low standards #sorrynotsorry

@icedmaloleyy: carter > avianna

@suggftwilk: people say she resembles a potato. oh no, that chick needs some meat on her bones. #disgusted

I was a little confused on the last tweet. I mean I know that Maggie was sent to the hospital recently but I never really asked why.

I haven't even noticed that Carter wasn't here mostly because I kept my distance from him. but as soon as I asked, they explained to me Carter's situation.

I found myself becoming very insecure, which was rare. I always thought highly of myself, that I was beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if I feel like I am beautiful, another person might think differently, which I totally respect.

But why was it so much more different coming from people I didn't know? I shouldn't even be bothered because they knew absolutely nothing about me.

I feel Sammy bring me closer to him, "Don't cry." he whispered. I didn't even realize that I was doing so until he mentioned it. Why am I so hurt?!

"Avianna, their opinion doesn't matter." Johnson says. "As long as you two are happy together, is all that should matter."

"Yea babe, cheer up. They don't really support Sam if they hate you. He's happy with you, and that's all they should care about."

I wiped away my tears with my shoulders. "How long are you going to stay here?" I whisper to Sam. "Two more weeks. That's all I need."

I nod before nuzzling my face into his neck. I really needed to get them, the people that hate me, out of my head. It felt good to actually let his fan base know we were together.

Doing it was a big decision because releasing your private life into the public is hard, and I am a huge chunk of that life. He would occasionally ask me if It was time.

There was always something going on in my life and that would be my excuse to say no. With my brother growing up and is constantly with his friends, my dad always on business trips, and my mom at home, alone, missing everyone, there was always a reason for me to say no.

I started to feel bad for leaving my mom in Omaha. She deserves better than this. Not just sitting around, cleaning our house that's too big, and taking care of Andrews dog.

I shouldn't be here. No matter how much I want to, this isn't where I belong at the moment. I shouldn't be having the time of my life when I'm graduating this year, with my mom expecting someone to be there with her, and my bestfriend, probably on the verge of becoming single.

I had to worry about college and graduation and prom. Oh my god, I still didn't have a prom dress. Or a date even!

Why am I here? I mean, yes im here because my boyfriend is at the hospital but i over stayed my welcome. I slowly felt my stomach churning and my face getting hot.

I slowly inches away from Sam, holding my breathe and clenching my fists. "Baby, are you okay?" I shut my eyes, the sound of his voice doesn't soothe me. 

I slowly get up from the bed, nearly falling from on my face. Johnson catches me by the elbow as I shoo him off. "Avianna, you look like you've seen a ghost. Stop resisting my help, you're going to fall."

I couldn't even speak. I tossed my hand over my mouth before running off into the bathroom. I hovered over the toilet, throwing my guts up. I felt my hair being back and a hand on the small of my back. "You're okay." I hear Gilinsky, gently rubbing my back.

I fall to the floor, bringing my knees to my chest. "What's wrong?" he says, in a collected voice. I'm afraid to speak up because I might throw up again.

I feel the tears well up in my eyes, and my vision blur. "Everything alright in there?" Sammy yells. He picks me up bridal style, and I my sobs become louder.

"It's okay." he pauses, taking a deep breathe, "You're going home."