sober // s.wilk

(20) No Matter What Happens

My eyes fluttered open to the sunlight peeping through the curtains. A strong pair of arms were tightly wrapped around my petite waist as I struggled to turn around. I close my eyes once again, the blinding light being far too bright for me. "I hope you know I'm doing this on purpose." He says against my shoulder blade, his soft lips brushing against my warm skin.

"How long have you been up?" I groggily say, cringing at the sound of my voice and how much it resembles the voice of a dying whale. I knew it had to be early, which i didn't really mind. "Way before the sun rose. I mostly blame your phone that has been nonstop ringing for the past hour." he says, throwing my phone as it lands perfectly in front of me on the pillow.

I unlock my phone to see that I had 12 missed calls from Sammy. It's terrible for me to say that I was surprised that he called. I haven't really talked to him in a few days but with a few weeks before graduation, his calls were the least of my worries. Not that I didn't care about him but there would be times where I would be so tempted to call but I just couldn't at the time. I physically wasn't able to speak with him or text him either.

I glanced at the time, 5:37, knowing it was probably about 3 or 4 back in LA. His face popped up on my screen once again, indicating that he was calling and without hesitation, I answered.

"Hello?" I spoke through the phone. I was nervous yet happy. "Hey babygirl, did I wake you up?" He says, sounding tired.

"No, but I just woke up a few minutes ago. Is it that noticeable?" I giggle, which I immediately regretted as it lead me into a fit of coughing. He lightly chuckles on the other line, "Just a little. Where are you at?"

I expected him to ask this question. I've been posting pictures of Mark, Noah, and I on Instagram for the past week, mostly because I'm not too fond of any of the selfies I take.

"I'm at Marks." I answer truthfully, because what's a relationship without trust. He was silent for a few seconds, "I heard about Anyssa and him," before I could answer, he continues, "she hit up Johnson a few days ago. So we assumed they were over. I'm not mad okay, I understand you're just trying to be there for him."

I mentally sighed in relief. I didn't want to fight with him, I was already glad that we were talking this long. The sound of his voice was music to me and complete bliss overcame my body everytime it sounded through my ears.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, and not for no reason at all, but for everything, "I've been such a terrible girlfriend lately and I feel so bad for not trying as much anymore."

"Awe baby, don't apologize. I should be the one begging for your forgiveness. I've pushed you away everytime you tried to make an effort. When you stopped texting and calling, I thought you were mad so I decided to give you some space. Tonight though, I couldn't sleep without knowing how you were." he blabs. My lips curved into a smile, knowing that he was becoming more and more responsible.

"It's aright babe. I forgive you."

"No it's not. and I hate telling you that there's an 80% chance that I can't go to your graduation. I'm so disappointed in myself. I really am."

My smile faded at his words. Even though I knew that he probably wasn't going to be able to make it anyways, it hurts knowing that he's not actually going to make it.

"You can't at least try?" I plead. This was such an important day for me and the fact that he wasn't going to be there with me, made me somewhat angry. "Baby girl, I have a lot of work. I'm in the studio all the time."

"Are you sure it's the studio and not those stupid parties you're getting drunk at?" I don't know what happened but I lost all control of myself. I let the anger take over all my thoughts and I felt the need to make him guilty with everything that he's recently done. I didn't let him speak though, "Why has it been that way lately? Why are you putting your music before me? Do I not give you the same happiness than what making music gives you? Am I not good enough anymore?"

It all started coming now. My emotions were forming into a puddle in the tear duct of my eyes. I quickly wiped away the tears, trying to stay as strong as possible. "God no, why are these things coming out of your mouth? Are you stupid?"

I was taken aback, how could he. "Yes, I actually think I'm stupid enough to answer your call. If you think I'm this dumb, why don't you just go to your side hoe. Whats her name? Stassie, is it? Maybe you'll end up with her if you keep having that demeanor." I don't understand why I was saying any of this. I hate the fact that I get insecure when I'm sad and angry. I sound extremely jealous, and probably a tad bit clingy.

I hear him sarcastically laugh on the other line, "Wow, you're being extremely delusional. Maybe, I will just talk to Stas instead, at least she's not going crazy." Each and every passing second, my anger towards him grew and grew. I found myself wanting to wrap my hands around his neck and just choke the crap outta him. "At least I know where we stand, you'd much rather be there for some chick you just met instead of the girl that was with you from the beginning."

"Talk to me when you're actually sane." With that, the line went dead. Wow, like i needed anymore stress on me. How stupid could I be, why did I let my emotions get in the way of this? Why did I let him go like this? I lay down on my back as the tears well up in my eyes. "Its gonna be okay. You guys are just going through this rough patch in your relationship." Mark says to me, rubbing circles on my hipbone.

My stomach begins to churn and I can't tell whether its from nervousness or I was geniuenely sick to my stomach. The answer to my question is answered as I quickly hopped out of the bed and rushed to the bathroom. I bend over the the toilet as I throw up my insides. I soon feel my hair being held up and a hand on the small of my back.

I push myself up from the toilet and wipe my mouth, dropping to the ground as I cry hysterically. I don't know whats been wrong with me the past month. Ever since my trip to a LA three weeks ago, I have been feeling and acting different and I hated it.

"Its going to be okay." Mark reassures me, as he pulls me into his warm embrace, comforting me as much as he possibly could. "I won't leave you alone, no matter what happens."