sober // s.wilk

(5) I Need You to be Here With Me

I slipped into my car as I placed my head on the steering wheel. School has been so stressful, with studying for finals, being nagged about college. To top it all off, Sammy's leaving today for LA.

I started the car and made my way towards the airport where I would meet them. I tried to drive as slowly as possible, dreading the all to familiar feeling of letting go of him as he walks off, without me by his side.

After a long drive, I finally made it. I decided to call Sammy to see where he was. "Hey baby." he spoke through the phone. "Where are you?" I asked, trying to sound as optimistic as I usually do. "At Starbucks." he said, not realizing how I was really feeling.

"Alright I'll meet you there." and with that, I hung up. I don't know why I'm like this. He flys out to LA at least once or twice every month. I should be used to this. But this time, there was just this feeling I had that this wouldn't end good. Maybe it's because he would be staying for three weeks instead of one

After parking I walked into the airport and towards Starbucks. As I got closer, I began to recognize the faces sat at one table on the corner. Sammy and I met gazes and his lips curved into a small smile. I failed at returning the gesture, it seemed more forced then genuine.

I got to the table and was greeted with hellos. There was no room for me to sit so I just plopped myself on Sammys lap, not like he would mind. He wrapped his arms around my waist as he leaned over to get in the conversation.

"Avianna, it sucks that you can't join us again." Johnson said, sadness lingering in his voice. The boys nodded in agreement. I could tell they were all upset that I couldn't come with them, especially Sammy. "There's a lot on my plate right now, Johnson." I shared.

He gave me a questioning look and I shook it off. Personally it feels like there is this gigantic weight on my chest that's preventing me from doing anything. Besides all the college applications and studying for finals, it's more than that.

Something that's at a point where I can't even describe it. "You alright, babe?" Sammy whispered in my ear. I nodded as everyone returned back to their normal conversations. It's weird because I never lied to Sam about how I felt. i would easily pour my heart and soul to him but it was different this time.

for some odd reason it felt as if this whole thing is about him. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time telling him what's wrong with me. "I'm just gonna miss you that's all." I lied.

I think I was worried more at the fact that he might think LA is the only place where he can get away from me and his mother. He won't have to devote himself to stay sober. Without me next to him, he would easily give into peer pressure.

"Flight 21A now boarding to Los Angeles, California." the intercom boomed through the airport. I got off of Sammys lap so he could get up.The boys began gathering their things and make their way over to the gate. I laced my fingers with his as we slowly followed behind. "Really Avianna, what's wrong?" he asked once again.

I remained silent, quickly trying to gather my thoughts. "I just don't want you to leave. Its different this time, like I need you to be here with me." We stopped as we reached the gate. He faced me towards him, bringing me into a hug.

I nuzzled my face into his neck, taking in this moment. His all to familiar musky scent filled my nose. The warmth his body radiated that I know I would miss late at nights when he would come over and we would just cuddle. I ran my hand through his soft hair. Something that I would miss getting my fingers tangled into.

I pulled away and looked at him. His bulging brown eyes gawking below at me. His flawless fair skin, along with his gentle, serene lips. His eyes flickered to my lips and back up at my eyes. He brought me closer to him and placed his lips on to mine. Closing my eyes, I kissed him back. I've grown so accustomed to his kisses, but each time they provide me with a different, amazing feeling every time.

We pulled away at what felt like seconds but what was actually minutes. "It'll be fine, I'm just a phone call away babe." I nodded as I felt the tears beginning to sting my eyes. "Don't cry Avianna because you know I'll cry too." he choked. I held in my tears, just because I wanted to seem strong.

"Last call for Flight 21A to Los Angeles, California." the intercom spoke. He gave me a peck on the lips and pulled me into one last hug. "I love you Avianna, don't forget that." He whispered into my ear. He let go and began jogging to the other boys. He turned around and waved. I smiled back at him as he began walking away.

His figure slowly getting lost in the crowd of people. I tried searching for him but he was gone. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the tears drip into me hand.

I didn't wipe them away, because I couldn't. I've never felt so scared while he was leaving. There was a bad feeling building up inside of the pit of my stomach. I was afraid, afraid that I might not see him again.

That he would be taken away from me and I wouldn't even know. My sobs got louder and my tears were streaming quicker. I dropped to the floor and brought my knees to my chest.

I was terrified at the fact that I might loose him.