sober // s.wilk

(29) It's Time

Pain. Excruciating pain that no words could ever amount to describe the sensations that i'm experiencing. More suffering than enjoyment. Crazy right? Giving birth should be a momentous and positive occasion because you've held the baby, nurtured, and fed em for nine months. No, this is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life.

"You're doing good!" The doctor exclaims while he was ten inches away from my vagina. Doesn't feel good, at all. Marks grip tightened around me, trying to get me through this as much as possible. Madison, sat on the other side of me, giving me words of encouragement.

The epidural would've been useful, I just had to reject it. It wasn't as bad as it was a few hours ago but I shouldn't have underestimated the fact that pushing a baby out of me would me this kind of pain.

"C'mon baby, you got this." Mark whispers in my ear, all while trying to calm me down. He was helping at easing the pain, but it was still there. The doctor instructs me to push for ten seconds. Ten seconds, not that bad, right? No. It gradually got worse as my baby was making their way out.

A wave of pain washed over my entire body as I felt the head come. I yelped out in pain as I experienced the sensations and buried side of my face into the pillow.

"Don't give up Avianna, you're almost there!" The doctor encourages. I put everything I had in me and gave one last push, soon after hearing the loud cries of a baby. I chose not to find out the gender of the baby until I gave birth. Part of me was beginning to feel it, the tears that brimmed my eyes.

Months of growing and nourishing this small human in my body, and now it's finally come when i Het to meet them. "It's a healthy baby boy!" The doctor exclaims, her words laced with excitement.  The tears fell from my eyes, and nothin1g could ever describe the way I feel at this moment.

Mark places a small kiss on my cheek, as he's doing the same as me. Crying, but happy tears of course. He's spent the last nine months with me, dealing with every single mood swing, craving. He's managed to make me his girlfriend to. Surprising, but not really.

The doctor places the crying baby in my arms as he cries soften. Getting a good look at him I can't help but just notice that he's Sammy's baby alright. Madison coos in adoration next to me. I place a small kiss on his forehead, all while trying to contain my overwhelming happiness.

"Brooks. Samuel Brooks Wilkinson Jr." I mumble, "Thats his name." Mark looks at me, a smile  appearing on his face. We talked about the name a lot, but Mark ultimately told me that it was my decision and that I should consider giving him his last name as well.

"You're naming him after Sam?" Madison questions, a little weary. "Crazy right, you think I want to call him something else, far from Sams name." I adjust the small, frail baby on my chest, taking in his scent.

"I kept this baby a secret from Sam. He hurt me yes, but this is Sams child. His baby, his seed."

"Mark, you're okay with this?" Madison speaks. "Looks Mads, he isn't my kid. Im just going to support her and whatever she needs. That doesn't meant I won't treat him like one though."

Her words were slightly offensive and the way she felt like she could tell me what to do, it didn't really run through me easily. "Hey, you should call everyone." Mark tells her, she nods in agreement and walks out the room.

He looks at me for just a second before grabbing Brooks from my grasp and laying next to me on the hospital bed. He lifts him up above us just so we can see him perfectly. "He's so handsome Avianna."

I place my head in the crook of his neck, staring up at my baby. Mark brings him back down, placing him on top of s as he calmly sleeps. "Baby, how do you feel about his name?" I question him in search of an honest answer.

"Babe, you know I love and support you, especially with the baby. Although he isn't my child, I'll treat him like one. With the being said, whatever you chose to name him doesn't have an effect on me, as long as he is okay." Mark says to me while sitting up and holding Brooks in his arms. Without replying, I position myself next to him, looking at my beautiful baby boy.

The features we're striking and I was a bit jealous. I have seen baby pictures of Sam its the resemblance is amazing. I was hoping at least he would get some of my features. Before we could continue on with the conversation, the door calm swings open.

My friends are on the other side. Jack and Jack, Mads and Mallory, Noah, Matt, and my parents. Thankfully, the room was extremely spacious with plenty of chairs and a coffee table as well as a tv to keep us entertained.

"Where is my nephew, I need to see him!" Jack exclaims while walking over to me. His eyes are immediately redirecting his attention to the tiny human in Marks arms. Mark holds Brooks out to him and Jack gently takes him into his arms. His emotions immediately soften and a small smile forms on his face, "Oh my gosh this is literally Sammy."

"What's his name?" Mallory asks in adoration, completely starstruck over the little boy in Johnson's arms, "Samuel Brooks Wilkinson Jr. Brooks to limit the confusion."

They all look at me shocked. I didn't think everyone would be this surprised at the decision of the name but I didn't restrict Sam from ever knowing he had a kid.

"Wow, it's beautiful." I allow my friends to spend time with my newborn and considering the fact that I pushed out a 7 pound baby out of my vagina, the one thing on my mind was food.

Mark sat next to me on the hospital bed, "So, what are your plans with the adult Sam." This was a topic we never really discussed. He was fully aware that I didn't like talking about it and would bring it up on my own time.

"I dunno. I heard he's not with Stassie anymore and not really making music anymore."

It was harder to keep up with my friends and family without social media but it was such a perfect way to detox from the toxicity of the expectation of society. I don't even know if I wanted to go back.

"So?" Mark asks.

"Maybe I should tell him."

Before he could say anything, more of my closer family comes inside and excited to see the baby. And with that, we dropped the subject. Truth is, I wanted to tell Sam that this wasn't his baby. But when he literally has his face, I knew that it would be more than enough to tell him I was lying.

It made me realize that maybe keeping this whole thing from Sam was such a stupid idea. But ever since he's left my life, everything finally felt like it was falling into place.