betwixt

March

March 2, 2014         4:56 pm

            One year today.

            Officially one year today at 12 pm she will have been dead for a year. God. This year just flew by. To be honest I was in such a daze for most of it I had to look back at my previous post just to see what happened this year. It feels like one really long and dramatic dream. I wish I could just somehow make everything better.

March 3, 2014        2:33 am

            I was going to say Happy Birthday Romeo but it isn’t very happy.

March 4, 2014        9:45 pm

            We had an assembly today at school. Besides rules and suspension notices nothing really exciting happened. Except of course someone pulling a prank on the principal, and before you ask no it was not me. I mean I wish it was me but no. Also, if it was me I would be scared I would end up in the jail.

            Someone found a picture of the Principal and a still from a porn movie and switched the porn stars face with hers. Mean? Yes. Did I think she deserved it? Yes. Would I do it? No.

            I mean I do illegal stuff, thank you older brother for setting me on such a wonderful path, but I’m smart about it. Whoever did this hacked into the school computer and switched out the anti-bullying [how ironic] video with the picture. Obviously not many people are capable of hacking into systems. If I was going to pull prank on her it would be something simple that she could never point back at me, classics like teepeeing her house or the classic water bucket over the door. Something anyone could have done. The more creative the more dangerous.

March 7, 2014        3:00 pm

            It’s Friday, Friday Friday, gotta get down—sorry. She was singing it today. She came to visit me, at school during lunch. I was happy. Though I ended up having my lunch in the bathroom. Not exactly something I would normally be okay with. We did not really talk about much. She just asked about classes and what I was up to.

            I noticed our conversations are becoming a bit duller. Usually we would talk about a bunch of different things but lately we only make small talk. Maybe it’s because we have less and less in common. I mean, being dead must make some effect on your personality and thoughts. But I thought maybe it also made you realize what was important to you.  Aren’t I important?

March 7, 2014        4:15 pm

            I think maybe. I should tell her to go away.

            I think maybe. It’s time I move on.

            I think maybe. I should try dating.

            I think maybe. I should try out for the school play.

            I think maybe. I would miss her.

            I think maybe. It’s time.

            I think maybe. We should say good bye.

            I think maybe. I don’t know how to tell her.

March 8, 2014        5:55 am

            “Because I can’t be mad at you for more than 5 minutes.”

            This was my favorite part of our relationship, for every time we had a misunderstanding, the makeup was always assured.  At times, I upset you on purpose just so we could make up.  Whether a simple kiss or a few exchanged words remedied the ill, I always looked forward to our makeup, always.