Rip My Heart Out (Avengers Age of Ultron)

Chapter 5

I woke up groggy and confused. I was shivering, but there was some solace being wrapped in the large jacket Pietro had given me. It was a reminder however that everything that had happened was not a dream. There was no denying that all of this is real.

I rolled over to see the remains of last night's fire. It was still letting off a little trail of smoke. As I sat up, a pain shot through my back and neck. I winced and rubbed the source of the pain, silently cursing the hard ground.

Without warning, Pietro appeared in front of me in a streak of blue light. I jumped slightly, still caught in a sleepy haze.

"Sorry." He mumbled. "I did not mean to frighten you."

At that, I just let out a "Humph." It's ironic that my captor would be apologizing for frightening me. I smiled, but I couldn't even force it to look remotely genuine.

Today was the day. Pietro would take me somewhere far away from New York and I will be completely at the mercy of HYDRA. There was no way to stop it. My future had been taken from me and this much more grim one had been forced upon me.

I tried to resign myself to that fact, thinking that it would be easier that way. The things I used to want didn't matter anymore. I would never go back to school. I would never find that one passion that sparked something inside me, inspiring me to pick a fulfilling career. I would never find someone whom I loved. No one would ever love me back. I'll never buy a car or a house. I'll never have kids. I'll never have choices again.

Whatever HYDRA was going to do to me, that was my only option.

I wiped my eyes, ridding myself of any tears that were threatening to spill over and looked up at Pietro. He had been watching me the intently. He had a look on his face that told me he understood what was going through my mind.

"Maybe it will not be so bad. I used to be like you. It was different, but I was scared and HYDRA helped me. Now I am strong. Now, I don't have to be afraid. If you really are who you say you are, why would they hurt you anyway?" He had bent down to my level, putting his hand on my shoulder.

It didn't matter. None of it mattered anymore. They were going to hurt me or they weren't. I couldn't do anything to change that one way or the other. Slowly, I lifted my gaze from the ground to his face, all emotion drained from my expression.

"Yeah, maybe." I said in a flat tone.

I didn't even sound like myself. All of the sudden, all life had been drained from me. I couldn't feel anything. I was a shell and anything that had made me who I was had gone.

I noticed a change in Pietro's face when my eyes met his. He noticed the change in me too. He tried to hide the shock on his face, but he was horrified.

The world moved slowly for Pietro. His abilities seemed to make everything about him quicker. He could move fast, of course, but he came to conclusions quicker, he thought quicker, his emotions changed quicker. The world must be so boring for him.

So when he saw my face and heard my voice, he knew what had happened. He knew that I had given up and nothing he could say or do would be able to change that.

But he also realized that he did this. Sure, it was HYDRA that wanted me, but he was delivering me to them. He wasn't evil, he was hurt. Whatever had happened in his past, he thought HYDRA had freed him. He thought they made him strong. He thought he had choices now. He thought his future was his.

But it wasn't. Because, he didn't used to be like me. He still is like me. Under HYDRA, he may be strong, but he isn't free. This was the moment he realized that. He wants revenge, and he will probably get it one day, but at what cost? He is going to lose himself along the way.