Rip My Heart Out (Avengers Age of Ultron)

Chapter 22

"Do you think I'm a monster?" I asked quietly.

Laura and I had been sitting in silence for several moments after I had recounted everything to her. I told her everything from meeting Steve all the way up until the fight I'd just been in. She knew more than anyone else.

Laura looked taken aback by my question. Her mouth gaped open slightly for a moment before she spoke. "Why would you think that?"

I furrowed my eyebrows together. "How could I not be? After what they did... They took everything from me. How could I not be what they made me into? I have nothing else to go off of. My entire past is gone. Everything that made me, me. I can't remember any of it."

"Would a monster have risked her life to save all those people in Africa?" Laura said it as if it was definite proof against the possibility of me being anything but good.

"I don't know. Does one good deed make someone good?" I paused, considering. "The things I can do... I don't even know everything I'm capable of, but I can tell you with certainty that whatever it is, it makes the Hulk look like a teddy bear. I'm scared of what I can do, Mrs. Barton. I don't want to hurt anybody."

"You don't seem like the kind of person to hurt anybody." Laura said.

She brought a hand towards my head and slowly ran it through my hair, before resting it on my back. Once there, she rubbed her hand up and down slowly. The movement was oddly comforting. I rested my arms on my knees and put my head in my hands, sighing.

"That's the problem. I don't know what kind of person I am." I mumbled.

"Well, I think there is one person who could tell you that better than anyone else. And he happens to be on this farm." Laura almost whispered. Her hand continued to rub my back.

"Steve has enough going on in his life. He doesn't need to deal with my problems too." I said without hesitation. I brought my head out of my hands and looked forward.

"I don't think you give him enough credit. As good as you may think you are at lying, I guarantee you he knows something is off. I would even go as far as to say he would be relieved if you would just talk to him. He needs to know what is going on. Not because he is Captain America, and it could affect the mission, but because he's your best friend and you're his. You aren't a burden to him, I promise you." Laura's hand stopped rubbing my back, but she left it there.

A tear ran silently down my cheek.

"What's wrong? Did I say something?" Laura asked, noticing the new wetness on my cheek.

"It's just..." I hesitated.

"It's alright, you can say it." She whispered.

"This must be what it's like, to have a mother." I said.

Laura didn't say anything else. Instead she scooted a little closer to me and wrapped her arm fully around me. She rested her head against my shoulder.

We sat for a few moments without moving. Thoughts swirled through my head. One thing was clear to me, though. I had to talk to Steve.

"Clint's looking for you. Nothing urgent. He just wants to talk to you." I said, suddenly.

Laura looked at me, cocking her head to the side.

I sighed. "Just habit. I've been keeping an eye on them for the past few days. I didn't mean to snoop. Sometimes it's hard to turn it off."

Laura giggled. "That's okay. We better be getting back anyway."

I stood and brushed off the back of my legs, then turned to Laura who was struggling to stand up. I laughed and held out my hand for assistance.