Rip My Heart Out (Avengers Age of Ultron)

Chapter 13

It was time to land before Thor got the chance to tell any of the Avengers what infinity stones were. Clint was rushed out of the jet for medical attention, and Steve ushered me away, insisting I do the same.

I tried to tell him I was fine, which wasn't completely a lie. I was feeling a lot better. Ever since I'd touched the scepter in the jet it was like all of my exhaustion had evaporated, and all of my cuts, bruises and scars disappeared the moment Loki shoved a little blue stone in my chest, so as far as I could tell I was fine. Steve, of course, didn't know that yet, and I was still trying to figure out exactly how to tell him.

He was persistent though, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious to see what a doctor would say about my current condition. I wanted answers, and this seemed like as good a place as any to start getting them.

I let Steve lead me to where Helen Cho was helping Clint. He was lying in a machine that was apparently regrowing the skin in and around his injury. I briefly wondered if the machine could grow me a new heart, but I knew the instant the thought crossed my mind that would never be an option for me.

I found myself once again fighting off tears, this time not so successfully. My eyes were brimming with fresh tears that threatened to spill over at any moment. Steve was thankfully talking intently with Helen and didn't seem to notice. I didn't escape the notice of everyone though.

"Emelia?" Her voice was gentle. It was the opposite of what I had been picturing it as for the past several months. "Are you okay?"

I couldn't help but scoff at that. Was I okay? How was I supposed to be okay after everything that just happened to me?

"Right, of course your not. I don't know why people always ask that, even when they know someone isn't okay." Natasha sat down beside me slowly, and I turned my head, trying to wipe away the tears. I didn't want her to see me like this. I needed to be strong. I needed to get rid of the weakness.

"They ask it because you're supposed to be okay. That's what people do. Lie and tell everyone they're okay, and try to ignore their problems." I said. "I'm clearly not very good at it."

Natasha's lips formed a small smile. "I think you are doing exceptionally well. Most people would be a puddle on the floor after what you just went through. I think a few tears are acceptable."

I shook my head. "I can't let him see." I nodded my head towards Steve.

Natasha glanced his way and then back to me. I expected her to tell me that he was my best friend and that he would help me through it, but she didn't. She didn't say anything. Instead, her eyes became intense and she gave me a look of understanding.

Natasha stood and walked to Steve. For a moment I feared she was telling him what I'd just said, but it was clear by her body language that she wasn't. After only a moment I saw Steve nod, and Natasha walked back to me.

"C'mon. I'm going to get you some new clothes." She said, nodding towards the door.

I grabbed the hand she had extended towards me and followed her out into a hallway. It was almost as if Steve's presence had been a buffer. Knowing he was near was all that was keeping me from breaking down, but now as I got further and further down the hall, that was gone, and I was quickly becoming the puddle on the floor Natasha had mentioned.

"Not yet, come on. Just a little bit further." Natasha practically pulled me down the hallway until we got to a double door that opened into a wide-open space. There were targets and gym mats and all kinds of tools and weapons scattered across the giant room. "This is the gym. It's our practice space. Also a good place to come right after a mission, because no one is ever here."