Rip My Heart Out (Avengers Age of Ultron)

Chapter 14

Natasha led me to a room where she handed me a fresh set of clothes, and then left me with directions back to the lab, giving me some privacy to clean up and change. I stepped into what looked like a locker room shower and let hot water run over my skin. I watched as the water circling the drain turned red, and stared at it unthinking until it faded to pink, then back to clear.

I had done a lot of thinking, about who I was, whether it was different from who I used to be, if I would ever know who the old me was, what I am now, and what I will become. They were big questions, and I didn't have answers to them, so it felt good to just stand in the hot water and not think. I would have plenty of time for that later.

My muscles should be sore, and the hot water should be soothing, but instead my body felt energized, and in perfect health. If I concentrated, I could feel the electric-like pulses surging through my body. My skin was like static. Energy pulsed from one side of it, and energy was being drawn into it from the other. I could feel it, but I couldn't explain it, nor did I need to. I didn't know the physics of it or the scientific facts, but I understood it. Somewhere deep inside, I think I always had.

I took a deep breath, and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped myself in a fluffy towel that had been folded on a table nearby and looked in the mirror. My face should be hallow. I should have scars covering my entire body, but I didn't. Instead my skin was smooth, and glowing. My cheeks were full and my eyes were bright. How I looked and how I felt was incongruous, so I looked away. I got dressed and quickly exited the room, heading in the direction Natasha had told me.

When I reentered the lab, Steve's head immediately snapped in my direction. He looked me over, and seemed to relax slightly. Whether the reaction was caused by my improved appearance or just my presence, I wasn't sure. I noticed Clint standing in the corner, talking to Natasha. He seemed to be completely healed.

My vision was suddenly blocked when a figure bounced in front of me. The doctor I had been told was Helen Cho stepped between the machine that had healed Clint, and myself. She held out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Helen Cho. Steve has asked me to look you over, just to make sure you are alright." I grabbed her hand and shook it lightly. "Are you ready to get started?"

I cleared my throat and glanced around the room. Steve, Natasha and Clint were all looking at me. I dropped my gaze to the ground and nodded slightly.

"Okay, well. Have a seat over here. I'm just going to check a few small things first and then we will get you in the machine to get a more in depth, full body scan." Helen gently led me to the machine, and sat me on the side of it.

Admittedly, I was curious about what kind of readings were going to come through, but I this wasn't exactly the way I had planned on telling Steve about everything that was wrong with me.

"Is there anything I need to know about your family or yourself? Do you have any medical conditions, or anything like that?" Helen said, grabbing a stethoscope.

I felt myself slouch a bit at the question. What I should have said was "I don't know." but instead I went with "No, nothing."

I glanced at Steve, trying to hide my nerves. Could he see right through my lies? I was going to have to tell him about my memories being stolen eventually too, I guess.

"Okay, good." Helen brought the stethoscope to my chest, and began to listen. "Don't worry, there's nothing to be scared-"

All of the sudden Helen's posture straightened and I saw her eyes widen slightly. I knew what she was hearing, or rather what she wasn't hearing though the stethoscope, and I couldn't blame her for her reaction. She looked me straight in the eyes, and I stared back at hers, waiting to see what she would do.