Rip My Heart Out (Avengers Age of Ultron)

Chapter 18

The rest of the party hadn't been as painful as I was expecting it to be. Despite feeling better about the outlook of my life, I still didn't know anyone at the party, and I wasn't the best in social situations. Luckily, my trusty sidekick Steve was hesitant to leave my side, and whenever he did, to get another beer or to talk with Thor, who I still wasn't really keen on, I just stayed on the fringes of the party, hardly talking to anyone or found Helen or Natasha to keep me company.

That being said, I was much more comfortable sitting in the common area of Stark Tower with the rest of the Avengers lazily sitting around chatting and joking with each other, like we were now. After a lot of jokes about my new powers being invisibility or about my becoming a recluse after the Avenger's rescue of me, everyone had finally seemed to accept that I wasn't invisible or crazy, and that I was a friend. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was just the time we'd all had to think, but I wasn't feeling as alienated as I did a few days ago.

Clint's booming impression of Thor brought me out of my thoughts. "Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power! Whatever, man, it's a trick!"

I glanced at the hammer lying on the table. It was imposing, for sure. How could something only be lifted by those who were worthy? How did it know if someone was worthy or not?

"Please, be my guest." Thor said, motioning towards the hammer.

Clint rolled his eyes and walked around the table. I sat a little straighter, wondering what would happen. Surely, Clint was worthy. I mean, he's an Avenger, he has to be. As he tried to lift the hammer and nothing happened, I sighed. If an Avenger wasn't worthy, what the hell was I?

I haven't seen the power of Thor's hammer up close, but I have seen what my powers can do, and I can't imagine anything more destructive.

I watched Tony and then Tony and Rhodey and then Bruce try to lift the hammer, feeling more and more discouraged as each failed. If one must be deemed worthy by some otherworldly power to wield a hammer, how did I end up with the infinity stone in my chest? What test did I ever pass?

As Steve stood up, I held my breathe. Steve was the most worthy man I'd ever met. He was the epitome of everything that was good and right. Steve grasped the hammer and I saw the muscles in his arms bulge as he pulled on the hammer. I could of sworn I saw the hammer move ever so slightly, and for a moment, I felt there might be hope. If Steve was worthy, and he was on my side, I would be alright.

"Nothing." Thor said, laughing. I felt tears in my eyes, but I wouldn't let anyone see that here or now.

"Widow?" I barely heard the question. I didn't bother to see who asked.

"No, no. That's not a question I need answered." Natasha said. I snorted, attracting looks from several pairs of eyes.

"Sorry." I mumbled. The truth was, I needed that question answered, badly, but it was the last thing I wanted to know.

The rest of the team continued to joke about the hammer, and I forced a small smile, trying to join in, but I couldn't focus on the words they were saying. Instead, I just kept picturing the blue light inside me exploding from my skin, consuming everything around me, including Thor's hammer, leaving just me to see the scorched destruction I had caused.

A loud screeching noise drew me out of my thoughts. I stood up, looking towards the source of the noise. Steve held his hands over his ears, and scrunched his face in pain. I put my hand on his back, as if I could somehow protect him from it.

"Worthy? No." The voice came, seemingly out of nowhere. It was deep and ominous. Goosebumps stood up on my arms. "How could you be worthy? You're all killers."