Rip My Heart Out (Avengers Age of Ultron)

Chapter 24

"What's the plan?" I asked as soon as Steve walked onto the quinjet. Clint and Natasha followed, not far behind him.

"The three of us will get the cradle and get Helen Cho to safety. Tony's going to the Nexus to try to figure out who's been stopping Ultron from accessing the codes. Fury is doing, well, whatever he does, and Bruce is going back to the tower to figure out what to do with all this new information." Steve said methodically.

"Okay." I said nodding. "Wait... The three of you. What am I? Invisible?"

"Sometimes, yeah." Clint said, walking past Steve and I to take the wheel.

I grimaced. "I wasn't talking to you Clint, but thanks for your valuable input. Steve, I know we literally just had a conversation about me backing off on my powers, but Helen is in danger. I should be helping."

"You'll stay in the quinjet until we figure out more. If I need you, I promise I will tell you, but unless I do, stay here." Steve said. It was an order. It wasn't an order from Steve, my best friend. It was an order from Captain America, my leader.

I took a deep breath, then nodded once more. "Okay, fine. Just promise me you'll save Helen. She doesn't deserve to be hurt."

"Neither do you." Steve said, resting his hand on my shoulder. "I promise I'll save Helen."

Satisfied with his answer, I let him pass, and joined Natasha on the bench on the far side of the quinjet with a huff.

"He's just worried about you." She said, nudging my arm. "We all are."

"I know." I replied with a sigh. "And I appreciate it. I really do. I just have a hard time sitting by when I know there is more I can be doing, you know?"

Nat nodded. "You just got your powers a few days ago." She said. "You don't have to save all of the world in your first week on the job. We're a team for a reason. You can't do it all on your own."

Nat stood and walked to Steve, leaning close to him and instantly diving into conversation. Probably going over the plan for once we got there. The quinjet's engines were so quiet, I hadn't even realized we'd already taken off.

Nat's words echoed through my head. Could it be that I really just got my powers a few days ago? It felt like a lifetime ago. I almost couldn't remember a time when I couldn't teleport and send blue energy beams out of my hands. Then again, that wasn't entirely because I'd just gotten my powers.

But that wasn't what struck me most about what the redhead spy had just said to me. 'You don't have to save all of the world in your first week on the job. We're a team for a reason.' She was talking like I was on that team.

Like I was an Avenger.

Steve would never allow that. He was the leader of the Avengers after all, and I'm pretty sure he had final say on who was aloud on the team. He would be to worried about me getting hurt to let me be a part of the team. But, really, I hadn't given him much choice. I'd kind of forced my way onto the team, really.

Did I really even want to be an Avenger? Did I have a choice, after everything I'd already done? I remembered Steve sitting on the bench in the park when we used to meet there every Saturday, a lifetime ago. He was always so troubled, so sad. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, literally. It was his job to defend this entire planet. Could I handle that kind of responsibility or did I even want to?

Then again, what had I been worried about these last few days if not becoming something I was afraid of? What better place to be than alongside Earth's Mightiest Heroes to keep me in check? Maybe this is where I should be.

I looked around the quinjet. Natasha, Steve and Clint had grabbed their uniforms and stepped into adjoining closed off rooms to change. I was alone in this space. I stood and walked around, taking it all in. Could this really be my new life?

Thoughts swirled through my head as Steve rejoined me in the main hull of the quinjet. He had donned his stars and stripes, and looked ready to fight.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve asked, rummaging through a duffel bag. His back was turned from me, yet he could still tell I was deep in thought.

"I've never been to Asia." I said, avoiding his question.

Steve chuckled."I'm afraid we won't have time for sightseeing, Em."

"No, really?" I said, sarcastically. "I just meant... It's weird, isn't it? A few months ago I was sitting in New York working two boring, run of the mill jobs, and now I'm on a quinjet with a pair of assassins and Captain America, heading to Seoul. I definitely did not see that coming."

Steve stopped digging in the bag, and turned his head towards me. He looked me over, probably trying to figure out what I was trying to say.

"I'm just thinking out loud." I said. He nodded and slowly turned back to the bag on the floor in front of him.

After a few more minutes, he finally pulled two small square pieces of metal with an "Aha!" He fixated them onto his arm. They were the magnets that recall his shield to his arm.

Steve walked towards me, and sat down on the seat I had previously been on. "I felt like that too, once. When the war started, everything changed. Life was flipped upside down for everyone, not just me."

"And you did everything you could to get into the thick of it." I said.

Steve watched me for a moment, then nodded once. "I did. I knew I needed to do whatever I could to help our cause. It was my duty, although, I ended up helping in a way I did not at all expect."

"You and I have more and more in common by the day." I said, sitting next to him and nudging his arm with my elbow.

I may have been joking, but Steve's demeanor didn't change. He had a steely look on his face, but once again, he nodded. "This life isn't easy. You know that right? What we do."

"I know that." I said, almost a whisper. "I've seen what it's done to you."

"After we defeat Ultron, no one would blame you if you walked away. You could go find your parents, figure out where you came from. You could lead a normal life." He said, not looking at me.

I took a moment to think about what he said. He may be right. I could find my parents. I could go back to living in New York, working two jobs, and living in my modest apartment. Maybe I could go back to how things are.

But, no matter what I do, I will still have an infinity stone in my chest, and that alone will make me a target for the rest of my life. Even if I try to live a quiet life, people will come after me, just like they did before.

"I don't think I have any more of a choice than you do Steve." I said.

Steve wasn't surprised. He knew just as well as I did that I would never be able to just go back to living the way I used to. Just as he would never be able to go back to the life he had before he went into the ice seventy years ago.

Without looking at me, Steve clapped a hand on my shoulder and nodded one final time.

"Then, congratulations. Welcome to the Avengers." He wasn't excited. He wasn't happy for me.

No one was celebrating. 

A/N: Here you go lovelies!!

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