I sat by the window, looking out at the bright lights and bustle of New York City and contemplating my life for the millionth time that year. It was 2012, but I couldn't keep up with the year. Or days. Hell, I couldn't keep up with my life.
I used to have everything. I knew my place, knew my career, knew who I was. But last year, everything changed. It was pretty much my fault, honestly. I had challenged myself (again) without knowing how hard it would be. I decided to move to New York City, needing a fresh start and feeling drawn to the city. I loved it, but it was a huge change, and I couldn't figure it out.
That was the "calm" before the storm.
Then came the hurricane. My boyfriend, Javier, and I broke up. We're friendly, and we even recorded a song together, but it just hurts. The split was mutual, but technically, I did the breaking up. He had cheated, and I couldn't trust him anymore. After it happened, he begged for me to stay- and I did, because I thought I believed him. Not to mention, I was- and still am- desperately in love with him. We stayed together for a while, but things were rocky and, no matter how much I wanted to, told myself I did- I couldn't trust him, and I couldn't take it anymore. I knew that I was better off.
I also know that I'm probably better off with all the changes in my life right now. I love New York, and there's so much inspiration, but I had my life figured out about as much as I had the subway figured out- which wasn't much.
I was always used to things being pretty easy. I played by the rules, most of the time knowing what to do, and occasionally bending the rules- but always knowing how it would turn out. This time, I had bended the rules again- but I didn't think it through. Which I've also done plenty of times. It was black or white. I either knew what I was doing, or didn't. It was ridiculous.
So now, where was I? I sure as hell wasn't the same. Nothing was the same, and I didn't know anything- not even my shadow.
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Shadows (A Sara Bareilles fanfic)
FanfictionLife was pretty much perfect. Sara was a successful and talented musician, and had her life perfectly in order. Nothing could be better. But now, nothing could be worse. Her life was in shambles, with a recent move to New York City, a breakup, and...
