Shadows (A Sara Bareilles fanfic)

Parking Lot

"Holly, I don't know," I sighed. 

"Come onnnnn." 

Holly, Jenny, and I were in the dressing room of Macy's, trying on dresses. It was Holly's last night here before she went back home to L.A. the next morning, and the three of us were bored and looking for something fun to do before she left, and of course, we always ended up shopping. I looked into the mirror at a silver-colored metallic dress, something they had begged me to try on. The dress was okay itself. I would totally wear it, except for the fact that I didn't like how it looked on me. They were waiting for me outside my stall, so I gave up and opened the door. 

"Damn," Jenny said. 

"Yeah," Holly agreed. "It looks so good." 

I made a face. "No. I don't know." 

"You don't like it?" Jenny asked. 

I shrugged. "I like the dress, just not how it looks on me. It makes me look like a grey whale." 

Holly laughed. "What? Whales are blue." 

"That's totally missing the point," I said. 

"I'm getting to that," she said. "You look great though. Seriously." 

"It reminds me of the Sing-Off," I said. 

"What don't you like about it? Besides that," Jenny asked. 

I spun around, looking at the dress from every angle in the mirror. "I don't like the way it hugs my butt. And my boobs are practically falling out. And it looks too tight on my hips. It's weird." 

"Well, we think you look great. If you want a different dress, go get one. You're not fat." 

I knew I wasn't. Not technically. But sometimes when I looked in the mirror I didn't see beauty, and I heard the voices of the little kids who used to tease me when I was a child. You never got rid of that. 

"Like... I don't know," I said. "Shopping is dumb." 

Holly rolled her eyes and walked over to me, turning me back around to face the mirror. "Look. Take a sec and look at yourself. Like, seriously look. Do you really think it looks that bad?" 

I examined myself for the hundredth time. It came down to my knees, stopping at a point that I had to admit, looked good on me. And my boobs weren't really falling out- that had mostly been an excuse. I turned sideways, noticing how the dress highlighted the figure I had worked so hard for. When I got past the voices in my head, it actually didn't look that bad. 

I smiled. "Fine." 

"You like?"Jenny asked. 

"I guess so. Yeah." 

"I told you," Holly said. "It's killer on you. You look gorgeous. Derek is gonna be all over you." 

I laughed. "If I'm not all over him first." 

I blushed. "He's so hot." 

"Okay, I need to meet him," Holly said. 

"You guys should come over for dinner! He's staying at my place tonight. He's there alone, who knows what he's doing. Or what he's eaten."

"Can't," Jenny said. "I have an improv class in a couple of hours."  

"I will," Holly said. 

I felt a stare and turned around, seeing a woman looking at me with a disgusted look on her face. "Can you guys move if you're not even trying stuff on? Other people need to get in and out of here."