Candor or Dauntless: Truth or Dare (Watty Awards 2013)

Part 38: He is my past, or is he?

I bolt upright under my sheets. They're tangled around me and I'm covered in a cold sweat. I slowly untangle myself from my sheets. I can't stay here. I need to talk to someone who understands, someone who knows me and my past. I stay in my pajamas and I walk down the halls that connect my room to his. I really hope he's not with someone. I need to talk and he's the only one that really knows my background, my history. I knock on his door quietly. No sound. Slowly, I creep the door open to find him all alone.

The door creaks loudly and I curse under my breath. He rolls over and looks at me. It's too dark for him to see me and he springs to his feet.

"Who's there?" He asks. I can't cry, not like this. 

"It's me. It's me." I say softly.

The hate in his voice is apparent, "What do you want?" He snaps. Why is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong? He hates me. I was wrong. He doesn't even want to talk to me.

"Sorry I bothered you. Bye, Tobias." I turn to leave.

I step out into the light and he sighs, "Tris, it's you. I thought it was Konnor. You sound so...alike." His hand grabs my upper arm softly. I turn back around.

"I needed someone to talk to about something and you are the only one who really knows who I am, where I come from." He pulls me into his room again and sits me down on the bed.

He touches my shoulder, "You can tell me anything, at any time, and in any place. We may not be dating, but I still...care about you."

I take a deep breath, "Well, my whole family's dead now. I'm the last Prior. Earlier today, I went with Uriah to Erudite." Hurt flashes in his blue eyes, "We went to go find Marlene. He really loves her." He relaxes a little, "And we found...we found..." I stop talking as tears wet my cheeks. Before I can, Tobias wipes them off.

"Go on. Finish." He says softly.

"We found Marlene and she was killing my Mother. She was bashing her head into the ground. They're all dead! I...I..." My voice cracks and I lean forward and put my head in my hands.

His hand pats my back, "I'm not going to say it's okay, because it isn't. Your family shouldn't be dead. It's not right." I nod, tears still on my cheeks, as I sit up. I wrap my arms around him and he doesn't hesitate to hold on to me. I cling to him, my hands and arms squeezing him tightly. His arms are soft and relaxed, but still sturdy. Eventually, I calm down and my tears stop. Anger and hatred race through me.

Marlene. Killed. My. Mother. Now. I. Will. Kill. Her.

I pull away from him abruptly.

"Thank you-- for everything. I'm glad you don't hate me. If you hated me, I don't think I could live with myself. I think I might have died."

He presses a hand to his chest, "I didn't think you cared about me that much. I thought you hated me, and it was tearing me apart." He says while sighing. I look up into his eyes.

"I could never hate you. No matter how hard I try, I can't hate you. It's so hard. If you had just been faithful from the beginning and honest, then I wouldn't have to have... friend-zoned you." I say, using the word Uriah taught me.

A smile curls his lips, "I'm sorry. I... That was not a good decision on my part. I'm glad we're finally talking about this. I've wanted closure for so long, it feels so good to be forgiven. Can we forget it ever happened? I really want to start over again. I can see us, marrying, having kids, growing old together. We're perfect for each other, Tris, will you go back out with me?" He asks slowly, rambling on.