Candor or Dauntless: Truth or Dare (Watty Awards 2013)

Part 8: Fights and Fears

I stop sobbing and walk to the Initiates. I grab Jaden and pull him into the room. I do everyone's simulations.

Jaden's afraid of owls, Alex is afraid of having to kiss someone, Anna and Cleo are both afraid of darkness, Dylan's is loosing his sister, Jess's is public speaking, and Bekkah's afraid of the death of her brother. All of the Divergent have learned to control it. I don't have to delete anyone's footage. I send them back to the dorms.

I walk, quietly and slowly, down the stairs. I want to be alone, I have to be alone. I stumble down the hidden steps of the Chasm. The Chasm is tainted with good and bad memories. I sit on our rock and look out at the water bouncing off the stones. It reminds me of the bowls at my Choosing Ceremony. I sigh loudly. No one will hear me down here.

"There you are," he says, I know it's him because of his scruffy voice. Tobias. I don't turn around to look at him, instead I stare at the rocks. He touches my shoulder and I cringe away from his touch.

"Don't." I say, "Don't touch me." He sighs and sits next to me, I scoot away to the edge of the rock. I look at him and he looks at me. He doesn't smile,

"Tris, I...I didn't mean those things. You are prettier and nicer. I love you and I think we can get through this. We can do it."

I shake my head frantically, "No...no...no we can't." I say, "Tobias, I can't do this anymore! I love you too, but I can't deal with this! It's killing me." I can't stop rambling, "I can't. I can't. Please don't make me do this! I love you. I do. Please. Don't. I can't do this anymore." I finally stop and breathe. His body goes rigid.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would affect you this way. Are we?" He asks politely. I shake my head, I can't be with him. We both stand and pause.

"Tris, Beatrice, can I kiss you one last time?"

His lips move just like mine. We really are perfect for each other. I smile into the kiss. His hands follow the shape of my shoulders, then my arms. He stops at my hands and holds them both tightly. His kisses get more desperate. I know he wants this, but I can't let him have it. I pull away.

"Tobias...I-" He cuts me off.

"No, Tris. It wasn't like that. I swear to God himself that I won't cheat ever again. Honest." Can I accept his apology? Do I trust him?

"I accept your apology, but I don't know if you really mean it. You've said it before, remember? Can I trust you?" I ask him. I honestly need his confirmation. It means a lot to me.

He sighs, "I just can't keep away from her, you know? She's everywhere. She's always there, watching me. It's just easier with her because...because," He gropes for the right words.

I cut him off, "Because you wouldn't feel guilty for making her go to far? Because she doesn't have an issue with it? Because she's moral-less?" I say, full of anger. They were rhetorical questions. He doesn't say anything. I shake my head furiously.

"Right? Right! Tobias! Answer me!" I cry out, desperate for an answer. 

He shakes his head, "Tris, I don't want to answer that." He says timidly.

I snarl, "Well then. I guess I know the answer. You're forgiven but we aren't together. You can't be trusted. There's no showing me you can be trusted. I'm done. We are trainers together, nothing more." I stand and walk to the door.

I open it and turn to see him again, "Oh, and I hope you and Konnor have fun screwing each other." And with that I climb the stairs up to the top. It was finality and I could accept that, if the pain in my chest wasn't so immense.