So Little Time (Frerard)

19: We Live In The Rain

Gerard was fuzzy on the exact events that transpired after Frank took his last breath, the memories he could recall seemed to be viewed through a haze, as if the whole world had been draped in a dense mist, and he couldn't be certain what was real and what he had imagined, because everything seemed like a horrendous nightmare, but this wasn't something Gerard could wake up from, even though he would have given anything for this all to be some fucked up dream.

Gerard sobbed bitterly for what felt like years, covering Frank's body with his own as if he could somehow transfer his life energy to Frank, even though that was ridiculous, and Gerard could physically feel Frank growing colder underneath him, but Gerard wasn't exactly thinking rationally at the time, the only thing that was running through his mind was that Frank was dead, and he couldn't just lie down and accept that without trying something, even something incredibly stupid.

A few people had entered the room not long after that, alerted by Frank's heart monitor and the soft alarms that were continuing to go off, screaming Frank's death for all the world to hear, and Gerard found himself forcefully removed from Frank's bed, his cries overlapping with the sounds in the room as a nurse held him back, letting her colleagues try to resuscitate Frank, even though they seemed to realize it was futile very quickly.

Frank didn't respond to the CPR, or the defibrillator, and after maybe five minutes had passed, a male nurse called out his time of death - 5:52pm, and Gerard knew without a doubt that he would never be able to see those numbers on a clock face again without bursting into tears.

And even though Gerard wanted to stay with Frank, or his body, he couldn't face this anymore, he couldn't be in this room which stunk of death for one second longer, even though he knew that the stench was just his imagination going haywire on him, but still, Gerard needed to get away, so that's exactly what he did; he took off running in a random direction, ignoring the startled looks that were thrown his way, turning a blind eye to the doctors and nurses that tried to stop his panicked flight.

Eventually, Gerard found himself outside, somewhere in the back of the hospital, and much to Gerard's relief, the area was mostly secluded, the soft summer rain that had started to fall compelling everyone to seek shelter indoors, everyone besides for Gerard that is, because Frank was his safe place, his protector, his haven from the storm, and without him in this world, Gerard was defenseless and alone.

Gerard's knees gave out suddenly, and he collapsed weakly against the scratchy brick wall, drawing his legs up to his chest as if that would lessen the aching hole in his heart, his eyes drawn upward to the darkening skies, the raindrops mixing with the tears that were still dripping down his cheeks in a never ending torrent.

It had rained much more this summer than was typical for New Jersey, as if the weather wept along with Gerard, like it felt sorrow for Frank's fate, and it was expressing it the only way it knew how, with gray clouds and a deluge of water, the dismal conditions matching Gerard's inner turmoil perfectly.

Gerard wasn't certain how long he stayed out there, whimpering softly to himself as he tried to comprehend the fact that Frank was truly gone, because the idea seemed unfathomable, and Gerard only now realized how deeply in denial he had been over Frank's condition, and how unprepared he was to lose the love of his life.

Of course, no one is ever ready for something like this, and death is never an easy thing to handle, but Gerard had severely underestimated how badly this would hurt, and he had felt pain before, he had lost Elena, and he had been convinced that nothing could ever match that agony, but god - he had never been so wrong, because this felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest, the still beating organ crushed before his very eyes, his body somehow still function even without its most vital part.