The three kings of hell

Mission: Zero

One year ago

[The scene opens with a shot of the night sky on Earth, and a very prominent moon. Gunshots, and a man yelling, can be heard. There are several criminals on the street.]

Overweight criminal: We're up to no good. Yeah. This is what we do.

Toothy criminal: We are no good for society.

Overweight criminal: We're shady. People don't like us. For a reason, though.

[The overweight criminal flicks a cigarette, then gives a crackhead a bag of cocaine.]

Toothy criminal: I'm stealing candy from babies.

Overweight criminal: Yeah.

[The crackhead doesn't like what the overweight criminal gave him, and snaps his fingers to summon a bald criminal with a knife. The overweight criminal takes the knife with ease, and threatens the crackhead.]

Overweight criminal: You think I'm scared of you? I hate Christmas, okay? Tells you everything you need to know.

Toothy criminal: I'm stealing babies.

[As the criminals are having their way, we see the silhouettes of three imps and. Hellhound on top of a tall building.]

Blitzo: All right, so we all know how things go right? Humans on Earth do some pretty fucked-up shit, and then they die and they end up in Hell. And sinners all have an idea of what imps are, right? We're little red guys with pitchforks, torturing their souls for all eternity. Well... *chuckles* that's fucking outdated.

[The scene changes from graffiti on Earth to a whiteboard with Blitzo's observations, and a graphical representation of what he's talking about, then later, back to Earth.]

Blitzo: Most of us are baristas and boring shit, and since we're born here, we kind of get to serve whoever the fuck lands in our backyard. But some of us aim to be a little something more. A little something bigger, something cooler, something...

[Blitzo Mark and Millie jump buildings and easily clear a metal fence, while Moxxie whiffs it and barely clings on to the fence, then climbs back up.]

Blitzo: Yeah, cooler. So instead of selling 'em coffee, we're gonna sell 'em... REVENGE!

Overweight criminal: What the fuck is this? Who are you?

Blitzo: The name's Blitzo, the "O" is silent. And I'll be your assassin today! *gunshot, followed by a grunt*

[Cuts to the scene of I.M.P Headquarters, where Moxxie and Millie are sitting next to each other, Mark is on the opposite side. The gunshot transitioned to Blitzo throwing a plate of spaghetti bolognese at his two employees, covering the both of them in spaghetti sauce. Millie is smiling while Moxxie is disgusted and Mark is bored.]

Blitzo: And just like that, we'll slip right back into Hell, get paid, and never face any consequences for our actions, ever. Got any questions? Yes, Millie.

Millie: *shakes off the spaghetti on her* Can I have a cool one-liner, too, like "It's Millie time"? Or something?

Blitzo: Oh, yeah, n-no. No, that's a me thing, all right? Perks of being boss, all right? *chuckles* What, you got something to add, Moxxie?

Moxxie: Sir, I think you're forgetting some logistical problems, like witnesses.

[While Moxxie is talking, Blitzo is chewing, swallowing, licking his hand, then sucking all the spaghetti up like a vacuum cleaner, his eyes wide.]

Moxxie: Humans aren't supposed to see us running around on Earth. You told me we were going to run this assassination business like professionals. You even put it in the company name. [veers to the whiteboard] And on the billboard. [veers to the billboard] And in the jingle.