The three kings of hell

Mission: chupacabras

[Paper thwacking]

IMP File:

Target: Gerardo Velazquez
Location: Small farm outside Tijuana, Mexico
Description: Middle-aged male smells strongly of hay and tequila
Info:
I don't speak whatever language this guy is yappin' in but he keeps making hand motion that makes me think the target must be a real freak

[Blitzo, Millie and Moxxie, arrived in Mexico at night.]

Blitzo: Alright. Seems like this one's nice and remote. Won't take us to long to-.

[A goat bumps into Blitzo, knocking him down.]

Blitzo: What the f-.

[Soon the groups are surrounded by goats.]

Blitzo What the fuck are these things?!

Moxxie: I want to say these are earth goats, sir.

Blitzo: I don't care how great they are, they are in. My. Way!

[Bltzo picks up goats and kick them. They hit the hay barn, the barn and the house. This alerts the man inside the house. Who goes outside to see.]

Gerardo: Que esta pasando!? (What's going on?) Que carajo!? (What the Hell)

[Gerardo seen the Imps killing his goats.]

Moxxie: Nice! Easy, easy goats! Easy!

Gerardo: El Chupacabras!

[Gerardo grabs his rifle and fires at them. Blitzo appears from under the goat pile, wearing one of them like a costume]

Blitzo: Shit! Scatter.

[Gerardo fires at them, as Imp escape. Blitzo jumps on a goat to escape while shooting at the man, while the goat struggles to move due to Blitzo trying to ride it like a horse and a goat IS NOT a horse... Crazy, I know.]

Blitzo: Run, you stretched asshole!

[The goat get crashed by Blitzo weight and he get it by a shoe by the farmer's wife.]

Mrs. Velaquez: Pendejo que te voy a arrancar la cabeza- (You IDIOT, I'm gonna tear your fucking head off-) la Chupacabra de mierda esta... (piece of shit Chupacabra...)

Blitzo: Ay caramba, he brought the big guns. Come on gang, we lost the element of surprise, let's just get 'em tomorrow.

[Blitzo open the portal]

Moxxie: You got it, sir. Wooooah- let's go, Millie!

[Millie and Moxxie go through the portal. Blitzo tries to run away but trip over a goat. Blitzo fires his gun causing the outhouse to blow up, as he tries to jump to the portal he gets hit by a goat, knocking him out. He waves up to find himself lock in a cage and in a chupacabra suit]

Blitzo: What the... efff?

Gerardo: Vengan todos! (Come one, come all!) Señoras y Señores! (Ladies and gentleman!) Pásenle, pásenle! (Step right up, step right up!) ¡Vengan a ver un AUTÉNTICO Chupacabra! (Come and see an AUTHENTIC Chupacabra!) Only a hundred pesos! To see a real chupacabras caught by ME last night.

Blitzo: A chupa what!? Look buddy, I'll have you know that I am a dignified-

Gerardo: No hablo Inglés.

Blitzo: What? You were just speaking-

[Gerardo stuff a goat plush in Blitzo's mouth.]

Gerardo: Everyone! Watch this monstruo suck the blood from the goat!

[The crowd cheers as Blitz then spits the plush out as it gets stuck between a mexican lady's cleavage.... And then throws another ice cream cone in that same kid's face.]