Airplanes and Airports

Chapter 9

"Paint another picture black and blue

take another moment, one or two

just to get over you

When did all the gold around us rust?

Turning all the love we had to dust

It took the best of you

it took the best of you

Oh I've got nowhere to hide

I'd say my goodbye to the girl

I'm leaning on the edge

I'm jumping off the ledge

Take another picture off the wall

Just another moment, watch it fall 

into the ocean blue

Take a look at where we used to be

Now I'm just a vessel lost at see

I can't get over you

I don't know what to do"

-Goodbye to the Girl (David Cook)

If I have to paint you, your hair would be as black as the midnight sky; your eyes the brightest shade of blue. Your eyes would reflect pain and sadness. I still remember that day you told me you want to be happy; what have you been hiding from me? Why were you lonely? Why can't you tell me? Why can't you tell your poppet?

It has been a happy day - I met new people and all that - but... I feel empty. That tiny hole's starting to open again; when old wounds start to open, they're more painful. I'm feeling that emptiness again. Don't you want me to let go? I'm totally lost now, I don't know where to start and how to start letting you go and putting everything behind.

I stared at the walls of my room. 9pm na ng gabi yun, hindi pa din umuuwi yung Kuya ko. Hindi nya ko pinayagan to have coffee with Colton, so, I decided to drop by this shop where they sell paint, on the way home. Alam naman nya that I wanted to 'renovate' my room eh. Kahit i-paint lang sya. Since 5pm, nag-lock na ko sa room ko and started painting and all that.

Then, it hit me. It knocked on my door once more. I tried to ignore it, but even without being invited, it entered my room like smoke and overwhelmed me. And I came up with this - my new wall. Okay din pala maging sad when you're doing something. You can... create a masterpiece. Something that you thought you couldn't do.

I'm no good in drawing but, I don't know, the walls look... okay? From pale yellow, my room suddenly looked like a clear sky. Walang clouds or anything. Meron lang 'strings' from the heavens and they looked like... they're trying to get ahold of me. It's just that... they can't reach me.

I sighed and wiped the sweat off my forehead with my shirt. My long, brown hair was now in a really loose and messy bun. 4 hours ba naman akong magpaint at magmove ng stuff. 

Actually, the moment I entered the room, another friend greeted me - Emptiness. I couldn't feel anything before I started painting my walls. Now that I'm done with it, parang merong nagreplace na I don't know what. It's like, I've been given another reason to... continue whatever I'm doing - searching. I don't even know what I'm searching for na. I was searching for myself, right? But... it doesn't feel that way anymore eh. There might be something more.

I went to my bed and plopped down. I checked my phone - I put it on silent, without the vibration a while ago - only to see na ang dami ko ng missed calls and texts from my brother.