Airplanes and Airports

Chapter 16

"Oh, Chabs, what happened to your shirt?"

Yun ung greeting sakin ni King when my Mom and I got home. The first thing he noticed was my now-coffee-stained baby blue blouse.

It was already 8pm when we got home because of traffic and because Mom wanted to go shopping right away. Hayy, talk about a former Beauty Queen-turned-fashion designer mom. I can't complain that she's my mom though.

My mom rolled her eyes at King, "So, you wouldn't give your mother a hug?"

King laughed, "Mom. Of course I would. Pero tignan mo naman kasi ung muka ni Chabbie oh! Parang crumpled paper eh."

They hugged. Seeing them hug made me realize how small I am. My brother's taller than Mom. Obviously, Mom's taller than me. Feeling ko nga I'm the smallest person sa family eh. Oh... right. The smallest, least worthy person.

There are times that I really can't help but wonder what would've happened if you were still here. Would you notice my stained top or would you hug mom first? No, the real question is... would I turn out to be like this if you were here? Would you get mad at me for hanging out with Colton and for getting high with Kitty? Would you be taller than Mom? Or would you be as tall as Dad? If so, then, the Twin Towers isn't really gone; you two will be my Twin Towers. Dad would be happier, I guess. I would be.

"Some guy spilled his coffee all over me." I finally said.

"Kaya naman pala ganyan ung face mo eh. I'll just buy you a new one," my brother said.

"Thanks, Kuya. Dapat pala, I wore all my clothes para you can buy me lots of clothes."

He rolled his eyes at me and messed my hair, "Ayan na si Mom oh. You two can go shopping. YAY!" he said while flailing his arms all over the place.

Sometimes, I think that my brother is a retard. Kaya, I never really did get the girls who like him. I mean, if makita nila si Kuya doing this and just being a retard, I bet they'd be "Oh my god, ang abnormal pala ni King." Ugh. And I'm pretty sure my brother only shows his "decent and proper" look kapag may girls around eh. Pa-cool much.

When King was born, my mom said, they thought na magiging parang pumpkin head sya. Or like, parang football head like Arnold (from Hey Arnold!). And now that I imagine na ganun ung shape nung head nya, I can't help but smile and laugh to myself. Sabi na nga ba, sobrang contagious nung retard vibes ni Kuya eh!

For a change, Kuya cooked dinner for us. Apparently, he started cooking na pala before we got home. He prepared spaghetti with lemon, basil, and salmon. He also made cobb salad with chicken and bacon. I never really knew he can cook good food. Or maybe this is one of his ways to impress Mom.

"Wow, Kuya. Good thing, you didn't burn the house down," I said while eating my salad.

"Chabs, di naman ako katulad mo na mag-microwave lang ng food, nasisira ung microwave."

"OUCH! When did that ever happen? Remind me."

Mom sighed and rolled her eyes, "You two, enough na yan. Bels, your brother knows how to cook. Let's thank him for this wonderful meal. And King, your sister isn't from this place na walang technology; she knows how to use the microwave. Alam nya ung do's and dont's nun."

We continued eating in peace as much as possible; we stopped kicking each other din under the table, cause we both know na mahahalata ni Mom. We talked about what happened after I left and how my Dad nags Mom to make sure I don't screw up here. Usual stuff.

Kuya never mentioned anything naman that would disappoint Mom. He never said anything about our fight; di na din naman kasi obvious ung bruises ni Kuya eh. He never told Mom about that thing with Kat and Colton. He made sure that when he made kwento about stuff, Mom would smile and feel as though walang mali na we're staying here. That's the least we can do, I guess.

I kept tossing and turning on my bed. Hello again, sleepless night. Feeling ko talaga magiging zombie na ko soon eh. Mr. Sun's all smiles and I couldn't really help but see Seth's smile on Mr. Sun's face. Gods, that guy! Hindi ba pwedeng I get some sleep muna before nya ko i-ganito?

I turned to my side. I checked my phone for the time. 2:53. Shit naman ohhh!! No texts or anything to distract me pa. How the hell am I supposed to fall asleep? I couldn't sneak out naman since I know Mom's still awake.

Hay. I give up. I'll probably go down and eat cereals.

Eating helps me forget things... Sometimes. Comfort food, maybe? Besides, that's the only thing that can distract me now. Food. Eating.

I'm not expecting any calls from Kat and Colton, anyway. While they're out partying, I'm home and couldn't sleep because of that Seth person. I can't really understand kung bakit or pano eh. I can't say naman that I'm in love with him or that I have something deep for him; I barely know the guy.

I went down and noticed that the light near the pool was on. I could barely make out the figure sa may sunbathing chair because of the white see-through curtain. I went to the kitchen first and grabbed a wine glass. I smiled to myself. I made my way to the garden.

"Why are you still up, Bels?" I noticed her wipe a stray tear away.

I sat beside her and poured myself some white wine. Mom wouldn't really go to Manila just because. I'm thinking na something happened back home.

I took a sip, "Nothing. I just couldn't sleep. What's up, Mom? Where's Kuya?" I said, looking around.

She touched my face and looked sadly at me. I don't really know what she's thinking and I can't assume naman na she's thinking of this and that. She didn't cry though, she was just smiling this sad smile.

"Jet lag?" I asked.

"You really know how to distract other people, no?"

"Other people, yes. Myself, no."

"What's bothering you, pumpkin?"

Ayan. Feeling ko tuloy, ako ung pumpkin head at hindi si Kuya eh. But that's okay. At least, I know, I haven't pushed her away far enough to make her hate me. At least, I can still make it up to her. 

For the first time in my life, I realized that there is hope.

"Have you ever felt like you couldn't sleep because something's haunting you? Like, in a good way. Not in a bad way na you'd cry yourself to sleep because of it." 

I was ready to let her know what's been going on. Since, I can't tell my brother about Seth... dahil baka i-hunt nya yun and interrogate him and stuff. I can't tell Kat din naman because she's not here and I know she's having problems of her own. And definitely, not Colton. I can still remember the way they looked at each other that one time they saw each other.

Mom smiled. Not the sad smile she gave me a few minutes ago. This one's a dreamy smile.

"Who could ever forget their first love?" She started. "There was this guy who courted me when I was 15. He's from a well-off family din naman and your Lola loved him. Every day during Summer, he would go to the Big House just to give me a flower or two. Never a rose, never a bouquet. Corny diba?"

I chuckled, "So, Dad wasn't your first love?"

"Bels, there are people that you'll fall in love with after the relationship started na; you sort of... learn to love them. I love your Dad the same way he loves me. But, I was never in love with him. But, along the way, maybe I fell in love with him. Maybe, the love we have for each other is strong because of the years we've been together. I don't want to lose him."

"What ever happened to the guy?" I asked really intrigued.

Mom looked at nothingness. Parang nandun ung guy pero wala naman. Maybe, she's imagining him to be there as she describes him to me.

"A few weeks after I joined the pageant, the plane he was on crashed. His body was never found. And I thought, I needed to move on. For myself and for him. He would've loved to see me happy. I never heard from his family again. Okay na din siguro yun, cause if I never met your dad, I wouldn't have amazing children."

She pinched my cheek. I feel sorry for them.

Someday. I know someday, we'll meet. If not Love, then, Fate will find a way to bring you and I together. The gods will destroy all the walls that they can for you to enter my already-messed up life. Someday, love. Someday.