Vita

Chapter Twenty-Two

I walk to Levi's house that day after school. Isaiah offered me a ride, but I declined. I needed to do this alone. I needed to talk to him alone. I needed him to understand. I reach for the golden feather pendant on my necklace that he gave me; I rub my fingers on it, tracing the little details. Where did Levi get this?

I arrive at Levi's house and walk up the steps to his porch. I pause before ringing the doorbell. What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he is still upset? What if he physically hurts me? I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I'm being ridiculous, why would he physically hurt me? He loves me, doesn't he? I finally put the fear beside and ring the doorbell and wait patiently for him to answer the door. For him to look at me again.

The door swings open and Levi slouches against the door panel, crossing his arms. He blows out breath and looks at me with sad eyes.

"Levi," my voice cracks in a whisper.

"Yes, princess? You need something?"

I scrunch my nose at his sour tone. Is he still that mad at me? "I came here to see you. I wanted to see you."

"Yeah, well, maybe I didn't," he mumbles under his breath.

"Levi," I give a small smile, "can I explain?"

"Of course. I've been waiting for a good one," he chuckles to himself.

"I never wanted to hurt you because you know I love you," I pause, "but I can't lie to you. I love Isaiah too and I'm sorry. I tried to push the feelings away by ignoring him all summer, but then they came back especially when I saw him with Ember. I was jealous. But I don't want you hurt, and I don't want to hurt my best friend either."

"You know, princess," he rubs his jaw, "jealousy has always been your fatal flaw."

I heave a sad sigh and play with the necklace, "I know. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Eleanor," he pauses, "because I don't want to be with you while you're in love with someone else. You broke my heart and seeing you right now is breaking my heart even more. Sooner or later there will be nothing left. When I look at you, the first thing I think is, she's been kissing Isaiah, not me. And it hurts like hell, princess."

Tears began to fall, but I wipe them away, "Levi..."

"There's nothing you can do. You already broke me. That's why I don't want to be with you right now. Maybe in the future when you figure out your fucking feelings, but not now."

"Please don't break up with me," I began to beg him, "you know I love you."

"I love you too, but you also love him," he says with a tone that carries both remorse and bitterness. He begins to leave the room, but he hesitates at the door. "You know what the saddest word is, Eleanor?" Without waiting for an answer, he continued. "Almost. You and I almost made it. You almost loved me more than Isaiah; but the problem is that almost isn't enough. Almost doesn't change the fact that I'm standing here, facing the girl that I once believed I would spend my eternity with, and knowing that she could never spend hers with me without a part of her wishing she had spent it with someone else," he said, the words echoing in my mind. He shut the door and left me there, broken.

I fall to my knees on his porch as my eyes flood with stinging tears. He loves, me but he's leaving me. He's leaving me. My hands tremble as I reach for the necklace. For you. I close my eyes, and pull on the chain, freeing it from my neck. Tears roll slowly between the intricate feather design on the golden pendant as I stare down at it in a blur, dropping it onto the porch. Leaving it for him to find later and think of me.