Cure {A.I}

Down

My phone started buzzing and I picked it up, looking at who was calling.

Maria.

I stared at it and finally answered.

"Yeah." I said

"Hey..." She didn't say anything. The awkward sadness was so strong I could feel it.

"How are you?"

"I'm ok." I nodded my head.

"That's good."

"And you.. your good?" I bit my lip.

"Yeah. I miss you though. Come home." Her voice wavered.

"I'm not ready." I whispered.

"Ok. I love you. And Aggie said so too."

"Love you both. Bye."

I hung up. I got off the hotel bed and started pacing the floor. I didn't cry though. I walked to the bathroom and looked around. I felt something tingle through my fingers. I had never felt this before. As if I wanted to feel something. Pain. To clear my head. I wanted pain to make me numb. It took over head. I started breathing heavily and I craved it. I need to feel numb. I needed the numbness to make my fucked up head clouded with nothing. So I wouldn't be able to think. Everything leaving me. I looked at the Razer on the counter next to the shower. 5 silver new blades sparked from a few droplets of water still remaining from this morning's Shaving. I wanted to pick it up so bad. I wanted to feel numb. I didn't want this life. I wanted to numb myself to sleep. Bleed my pain out. My hands reached for it fast enough to not stop myself. My phone from my back pocket started vibrated, scaring me. I dropped the Razer on let out a gasp.

"Fucking Damnit!" I screamed. I pulled my phone out my pocket and answered with out looking at the caller.

"Yeah..." I said.

"Hey." The deep voice said.

I choked on air. I put my hand on the counter to control my balance.

"Hey Ashton." I finally said.

"How are you?" He asked.

"I'm ok."

That's all I ever said anymore. "I'm ok." I wasn't saying I was good or bad. I was whatever you wanted me to be.

"That's good. I'm doing ok too..." Ashton cleared his throat.
"I haven't talked to you since the party."

"Yeah." I sat on my bed.

"So I heard you were in London. What a nice place to be."

"Yeah. A very proper place." I laughed.

His clear laugh rang in my ear. I covered my mouth in pain. I closed the eyes.

"So any new Girlfriend...?" I asked.

"No... not since... you and I."

He said it like we were old news. He sounded so over it. How was he still healed when I just almost cut. Maybe I really am fucked up. I ended 'Ashton and I' without talking to him. I just left.

" And you have a boyfriend I'm guessing. Those british guys are quite the charmer." He laughed.

"Yeah, no. I'm single. Since 'you and I'" my voice was harsh.

He remained silent.

I heard shuffling noises.

My eyes teared but I didn't cry.

" I wanted to talk to you about that." He paused. "I didn't cheat on you. That whole thing, I didn't even have sex with Sarah!!"

He sounded hurt and I hated him for it. I wish he didn't call. I wish he never entered my life! I don't want this pain! He did this to me!

"What do you mean." I sniffed.

"You saw me in her room! We weren't having sex! I didn't try! She drugged me OK Ananya!!?? And she tried to have sex with me but I didn't let her!"

He was crying.

"why didn't you." I cried.

"Because I loved you! And I still do! Do you not realize how much I hate myself. The hate I have for myself Is killing me! I need you. I can't eat I can't sleep i can't live without you! But what I did was shitty. I left you without talking about it and you deserve so much better."

This was the first time Ashton Had ever cried.I never heard him sound so hurt. His hurt made me cry.

We were on the phone sobbing.

"I'm sorry! Please come back Ashton I need you so so mu-much!" My body shook. My heart was aching so bad I could breath. I couldn't see straight.

"I'm coming. Baby don't worry. I won't leave you like that again."

I sobbed in laughter.

"Ok!" I grinned through my tear stained face. "Ok ok! I love you!!"

"I love you too." He sniffed his nose. "Now open your hotel room."

I jumped off my bed throwing my phone on the bed. I flew the door open and jumped in Ashton's arms. He held me spinning in circles. I cried into his shoulders. "I love you so much!"

"I love you too!" He shut the door and dropped me on the bed. He looked down at me.

"I am so so so sorry." He shook his head.

"Ashton. It's ok."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He smiled and touched my cheek.

"I look like a mess." I laughed.

"I don't care." He started leaving traces of kisses along my neck and face. I clutched his shirt, trying not to scream. This was all to sudden. In a matter of minutes I was happy again. He stopped kissing me and looked in my eyes.

"Your so beautiful..." He whispered.

I looked up at him searching his eyes.

Love love love. All I saw. The way he looked at me was the same way those other lovers looked at each other. Happiness and thankfulness. It was a little different though. Every love had its own different beauty.

I kissed his mouth. And I was alive once more. I wanted him to be a part of me again. And so he did.