Self Doubt

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Self doubt killing opportunities
Before they even happen

Self doubt creating a mental spiral
Self hatred..

The self hatred of the way of thinking
But the voices and tone isn't my own

The reflection of toxic words spewed to me as a child
early adolescence
A couple years in early 20s

So many times I keep speaking positive to myself
Wouldn't stick
But toxic words stuck faster than glue drying.

Toxic words trying to hold space where it tries to matter.
Deep down I know they don't but tell that to a spiraling mind.
The mind that's drowning
Can't stay afloat
Have butter on my hands and can't grab on to a life ring.

Will I eventually cave?
Fake it till I make it?
Or play pretend and be a shell?

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