My life is cringy carry on with caution

2 birds

Coco

Over the past year ive lived in los banos, las vegas, fresno and now mexico. I know dang in one damn year! Its been very difficult lots of things happened. Ive changed so much since los banos. during all the crap my family has gone through with my dad and others i always especialy before a month ago held onto the thought of Coco.

When i was in the US i felt i always had a purpose, coco ,i may be in a shitty problem but right now im with coco. She inspired me to keep going she in a way gave me more meening on top if it i loved her. Coco was my pet bird cockatiel as of a month ago.

Here in mexico (you cant cross any bird over the border, none, impossible.) without her for the first time in 6 years i was forced to part. I always thought im going to move back as soon as possible im going to see coco again and eat fucking taco bell. When my mom said she was planning on moving back i was excited.

Then i got a kik message from my best friend in los banos. she said coco died she said she was puking the day before and today... At first i didnt believe her i told her to send me a picture to prove it. She said that she was at the bottom of her cage and didnt really want to take a picture that she was so sorry. I dont need to go into detail about afterwards. The first day was the worst i feel like my life has no direction anymore i dont feel like doing anything i dont usualy feel like talking i do whatever, i font feel inspired to do anything.

Today i saw the episode of teen wolf where allison goes to the hospital and her moms dead. I couldnt help but start sobbing, i kno she was just a bird but she really did meen alot to me. Basicly allisons reaction was what i went through so it stung to watch that scene.

Im also angry, why coco? Why when im here and shes there. Its not fair. Its not fair its not fair. I fought for her so mych when my mom tried to sell her or it was hard to transport her and oay for her food i fought for her. The one thing i had besides poppa is gone forever im never going to touch her again. I was her owner coco never got on anyones hand but mine. And after just 7 months. Coco has always been very fragile i knew nobody could care for her the way i did.

I think whenever we do move back its going to be hard to see my house and her cage and her not there. It lready is when i pass a pet store. My friends from los banos have texted me but i cant face them or ig their profile pics i havent logged on to intagram twitter or fb because i dont want to deal with it. I dont know what to do with myself. I just wanted to say all this once and forall.

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Im going to go watch mnemosyne and go to sleep hopfully hav interesting nightmares. Why am i so morbid sometimes?