7 my predicaments

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by itwonthurtto_click

by itwonthurtto_click

If levi was a singer in a band i feel like he would make music like this or anything from Fiona Apple the song was Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge. If your cool may recognize it from AHS Hotel ep 1 the band is superrr cooolljust saying.
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I was thinking about the phrase liquid courage then i realised that's what i dont have. When i drink a have more courage because in reality i have near to nothing of it. Ive ended up being somone i dont like. I dont even know who i really am anymore. Omg now i understand that main girl from death parade who lost her abilty to skate and totally just didnt know what to do with her self or know what she was like. Well i havent figured out exactly what it was that i lost but maybe ill rewatch that episode.

I have a really warped relationship with my mother atleast in my head i dont have the guts to confront her in no way would things smooth out she would probably and literaly disown me. Why does no one b e l i e v e me that she is crazyyy? Not textbook insane but shes a very fucked up person and im like the only person who sees it wich INFURIATES me to no end.

Anywayyyyyy right now i really wish i had had a good parent. Mentor, sombody i look / looked up to, someone like a parent. Ive grown up with what feels like me, myself, my thoughts and i. Now im tired and want to be alone (not even my dog). If i had my expenses covered i swear to god i could literaly live by myself and my dog go to school, cook, laundry, clean the bathroom, buy shit. Im totally up for it btw.
I think ive been in my head sooo longgg i need time without anyone around making me be self concious (wtfhowuspelthat) to reflect on what im like bymyself and take that remember it and continue. Wayyy easier said than done. With them around i feel anxious and egghh especialy in this crammed ass house with no mother fucking windows and its too freaking "dangerous" out side to walk. I hate this city i feel like i cant BREATH theres trash and ads dogs barking i cant i can not take this place. Unfortunatly im FUCKING 14!!!! Ive been through so many different things like i feel old inside when i go to school. So ig ill just have to hold my tounge and rot for another so and so years. Until maybe when i can drive atleast then i can drive away to some place for a while.