Deck of Cards

Day 28- Scarlett

Ten of Diamonds- outside time 0hrs

Scarlett's POV

Every painstaking day without planning time was driving me up the wall. I needed to know all the details, Ava hadn't explained anything except the concept. I needed context, consistency and content. So far all I knew was that I was supposed to kill someone and make a run for it. No day, no date.

I cursed when I saw the diamond in the card, especially by the ten. The ten was officially the only good card, it meant time away from the horrors inside with a group of people who you could depend on. No torture, just a nice time. A glint of civilisation in a madhouse.

As always my guard came around and mumbled something incoherent but I perked up a bit when I saw my little blonde angel behind him. After my old guard had done his part, he left us alone for some reason and I pulled a quizzical look which made him chuckle a bit.

Unlocking my cell, he came in and sat next to me smiling slightly; as you would have guessed I was very shocked at his actions. Most guards treated me like I was some dangerous animal which could rip off someone's head. He obviously didn't share these beliefs because he was sat, quite cutely, next to me cross legged.

He was beautiful, which I knew I shouldn't have noticed seeing as he was technically part of the organisation that was set on killing me. But he was helping, saving more like, me so I decided that I could acknowledge his good looks.

"Hi," he said cheerily, wanting to break the ice.

"Hi," I muttered back awkwardly mentally slapping myself for being so weird. Here was the guy who had helped me so much and I was just sat like a statue giving hostile answers. Silence enveloped us and I slowly scooted over to where he was.

"You're special Scarlett," he said pressing his thumb into the palm of my hand as he held it. His eyes bore into mine, it was like he was judging his actions. My heart started racing as the prospect of a kiss was on the cards; I didn't know if I could trust him yet. I didn't know if I was healed enough to trust again.

Shaking his head, he ran off after hastily locking the door. I lay down miserably, rejection was all that ran through my brain. I tried to tell myself that he was avoiding the cameras but it just seemed too hurtful for me to see clearly. If his feelings were true, he wouldn't care- right?

It was then that I remembered back to the very reason that I came into the game- my own loneliness. It was like a dagger had been pressed into an old wound, it started to bleed again and my need to be loved grew stronger. Grasping at my chest, I felt physical pain as I remembered the memories that I had tried so hard to repent. There was no stopping my brain, all rational thinking had been pushed away.

I felt the same crushing feeling I had experienced when my first love said that it was over, that pain was intensified as it replayed in my head. I knew that I wouldn't love as much as I had before, he had broken me down too much.

Laying that night in the dark, with a tear streaked face, was my complete lowest point that I had ever experienced. All I could think and say was how worthless I was, how nobody would ever love me. I wished to die, I wished that I could just leave the world because I had no purpose.

It seemed like such a small, unnecessary breakdown when I looked back on it, seeing as I could have cried about much more meaningful things, but at the time it was the only thing that played on my mind.

"Nobody wants me," I muttered into the air, the lump in my throat making the words come out weird. Nobody came to my cries, nobody came to comfort the girl who was crying her eyes out. It only confirmed my thoughts- nobody cared.

In some fairy tale, the blonde guard would come back and dry my eyes before passionately kissing me, promising to help me escape. But it was no fairy tale.

Before sleeping I thought back to the time after my breakup, how I had dealed with it. I was trying to get some ideas on how to fix together what had been broken. Closing my eyes, I ran over the mantra I had told myself until I fell asleep. I could hear my voice read it, I didn't stutter or cry but there was a sadness in it. Even in my dream world I was miserable. I could remember every word, every line, how it hurt to say it out loud. To face up to it.

The pain will never stop
It will grow
It will shrink
The best thing is to find ways around it
The pain will never stop
But don't let it stop you.

It was a cheesy attempt at some self help which had, in some of my darkest days, helped me. But sitting in the dark, surrounded by metal walls which held me prisoner, no poem could help me out. I needed to do something drastic.