Deck of Cards

Day 41- Jen

Ten of spades- outside time, all day.

Jen's POV

It seemed almost as if everything in the world had gone wrong all in the space of a few days, somehow it made our time in the game look nothing more than a whisper of hair. At least in the game it wasn't real, it never felt real. When you are hit with reality, its much harder than denying you are trapped inside a devilish game.

Ava had stayed with me, despite our differences and held my frail body as I rocked back and forth. Everything was gone, I had nothing to live for. Suicide was never a thought that had ran through my head before but at that time it was doing laps in my brain; all I could think about what how easy it would be to escape the mess that we were in. Whether I was too much of a coward or too strong of a person I don't know, but somehow I never even came close to trying.

The police had branched out to France and Italy, hoping that they could catch the evil man at the borders or close by. As always, Ava was their information source; she was constantly being called away for police questioning where she would give break through evidence.

Sally and Scarlett were too absorbed doing their own thing to even notice our unhappy states, they both were always crying or on the phone to their families. They never realised how lucky they were.

The day was a drag, I was already tired when I woke up and only just managed to pull myself down the stairs and to the shared kitchen.

"Jen," Hannah called when I walked in and gave me a hug, her face was still red from crying.

"Oh Jen someone was looking for you," Sally said as she placed her bowl into the sink. I wanted to question her about it but she had already sauntered off, probably to watch crappy TV with Scarlett.

"Do you know who was looking?" I said as I walked over to the toaster, looking at Hannah for some kind of answer.

"Yeah the policewoman said it was some young man by the name of Danny," Hannah mumbled as she munched on some toast with marmite.

"Oh my god," I said, dropping my knife with shock. His name brought back so many memories, all the lies. All of the struggles.

"What is it?" Hannah asked worriedly, leaving her food to come and stand by me.

"He was my old boyfriend, the dad to my child. He left us and never looked back. I wonder why he's here," it seemed so strange, so out of the blue. I couldn't think of why he was there, coming all that way to see me. How he even knew where I was.

Before I could ask Hannah anymore questions a policewoman came into the room with a relieved face, glad to finally find me.

"Jenifer, you have a visitor. Please follow me," she said in a cheery voice and gave me no other option but to cooperate and trail behind her in confusion.

We walked out the front door of the house and into a police car shiny from the morning rain. As I sat in the backseat of the car, my mind was racing with ideas. With preconceptions. He had never been the best boyfriend or father, in fact he was never much of a father. He neglected his responsibilities and paid child support maybe twice in the two years. The lump in my throat appeared again when I thought of my baby alone in heaven.

The journey was over before it really began and I was left to face ugly building which graffiti on one side and a bad paint job on the other. The female officer opened my door and let me into a waiting room which only intensified the churning in my stomach. I vaguely remember signing in at the front desk faced by a lady with too much red lipstick and then sitting down on an uncomfortable chair.

Time seemed to stand still as I waited, the hands go by on the clock. Suddenly my name was called out and I was guided to another room with bland walls. All I could focus on was his face.

He looked the same as the first day I met him, his hair falling down to his shoulders in untidy curls. When he noticed my presence he stood up abruptly and came over to where I was standing in the shock.

" Jen, you came," he said, his voice full of joy and happiness although I could detect a subtle sadness.

"Yeah, I had no choice," I mumbled as I sat on another seat, hoping that the meeting would go by quickly.

"Why am I here?" I asked curtly as he sat down again taking off his leather jacket, placing on the seat next to him.

He mulled over the question for a while before finally stringing a sentence together, " I have some things to give you. After watching your interview I knew I had to do something to comfort you even though haven't been there in the past. I know you think I was a useless father and yeah I was. But I cared about that child more than you'll ever know. I have some things to give you."

Grabbing a box from under the chair he passed over to me tentatively and watched closely as I opened it. Inside was a collection of photographs as well as tiny pieces of clothing that belonged to my son.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked as tears began to roll down my cheeks and landed on the photographs.

" I know that you don't have anything to remember him by right now while you're in protection so I thought you need these more than me," I could see his eyes go glossy and for once I felt sympathy for him. I'd always seen him as the heartless beast who didn't care for his son and suddenly I was confronted with the truth. I'd never given him a chance.

"Thank you, thank you," I cried out to him before going over giving him a hug. He held me as I cried, I had forgotten how good he was at hugging. Somehow I had managed to block out how good he was a person and only focus on his flaws.

"So this may be a stupid question but how are you?" he said once my crying had subsided.

Sniffing slightly I rested my head against his chest, "Not great if I'm honest. Everything seems to be going down hill for me."

"I can't help but feel like this is my fault," he said balling his hands into fists out of anger.

"How could it be your fault?" I asked in surprise, his statement taking me off guard. I had never seen it as his fault, always as my mother's.

"If I had stayed with you, I could have protected you and our baby," he said glumly, sinking back into the chair.

"We weren't right," I assured him as he mentally beat himself up about something that wasn't in his control.

"Yeah I guess," he mumbled and that was where we left things. An awkward goodbye later and I was back in the police car on the way home. The police woman made friendly chat which I answered halfheartedly, not really caring about what she was saying.

Once we arrived back to the house I dragged myself up the stairs and forced myself to look in the box in more detail. There were pictures of me in the hospital clutching my new baby, some of Danny holding him. There were a few ones where Danny had babysat him but I came to the end of them too soon and I was left feeling empty.

I heard the door creak open and Ava walked inside quietly before sitting down on the bed.

"What did he want?" She asked with an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"He just gave me some photos," I whispered back, my voice horse from crying.

"I'm thinking about writing a book," Ava blurted out to my surprise, taking me aback completely.

"About what?" I asked with silent judgement.

"About my life and the game, maybe have a few passages from Anna's diary," she said staring off into the distance as if she could see it in front of her.

"You do that," I muttered, slightly annoyed that she hadn't comforted me. She gave me a smile before leaving to go and work on her book and I was left in the darkness again.