Deck of Cards

Day 48- Scarlett

King of spades- looking after the leader all day

Scarlett's POV

My face was constantly hot from the tears that fell down my cheeks without explanation, I should have been happy. I should have been skipping outside like every worry had been lifted off me but instead I lay in my bed soaking my pillow with my indescribable pain. My mother called it withdrawal, she always had an explanation for everything. I used to listen to them, I used to believe every word she said. The game had opened my eyes. She knew nothing.

"Scarlett dear," my mother cooed as she entered my room with her pristine clothes and make up as always. Even around the house she had to be made up like a doll, she had to be perfect. My state caused her pain, but not of the empathy sort. She was pained by my unkept, messy, unruly hair. She was pained by my smudged make-up and day old clothes. My emotions didn't really matter to her.

"Scarlett," she said in a tougher voice as I buried my head in the pillow trying to ignore her shrill voice. She wasn't helping my foul mood.

"Scarlett!" She screeched before tugging me up by the hair to face her, something I had been dreading.

"Look at you!" She scorned as she examined my red puffy eyes that had been crying non stop for the past day, "Tristan wouldn't approve."

His name brought back unwanted feelings, how he had betrayed me. I hadn't said his name, I had avoided reading it. But sure enough she was the one to remind me of him.

"I think you should give it a shot," she said patting my back, I flinched away from her. I was done having this conversation with her .

"No mum, I've moved on," the pain I felt was excruciating as I remembered him, the one I had somehow fallen in love with in the most strange circumstance.

"Darling he doesn't bring you any happiness. Think of how happy you were with Tristan, all the love he gave you. Don't you want that?" I did. Badly. I wanted to feel love inside my cold body, I wanted to smile fully and not force it to make others feel better.

She had a point, Tristan had made me happier than I had ever been. But he had also made me cry, he had hurt me in ways I could never explain.

"I don't know mum," I said quietly, turning away so I wouldn't see her grinning face. I knew that it was all about image, how she wanted nothing more than for me to be a perfect little doll with a perfect little life. The game, the kidnapping, the pain- they had all been but a blip in her radar.

"Great, get ready cause he's coming over in an hour," of course there was a catch. A meaning for her sudden affection and warmth to me. I should have known better than to think that she cared about me feelings and my well being. She didn't understand the phrase 'taking it slow'.

As she left I sighed and began to pull myself together so I could be composed when he came. As much as I didn't care about how I was perceived, I didn't want to look like an wreck. If I was going to try and be happy again, I would have to work hard.

The hour went by to quickly and I heard the knock at the door before I could process what I was about to do. In he walked smugly, I could tell that he knew what was going to happen. He knew I would beg for him to take me back.

"Hey," I almost whispered as he sat at the end of my bed stroking my leg. I used to find it affectionate, suddenly I found it creepy and unsettling.

"He boo," he said the last word in a sickly sweet voice that made me want to vomit. I grimaced but he didn't seem to notice as he inched his way towards me.

I could smell his overpowering cologne which I had used to relish in, I could see his white teeth almost baring at me. I felt sick to my stomach.

As his lips connected with mine I didn't feel the fuzziness I was used to, the kiss was cold and unkind. I felt violated despite its lack of aggressive nature. He sat back smiling as if he was happy with himself.

After a stilted conversation, he left. He had given up trying to talk to me in a way that he would for other humans, I was like some child to him. I had to be babied, words had to be dumbed down as if I had been subjected to brain damage.

Sighing, I leaned back in bed and kicked out my feet in annoyance. Somehow I always managed to get myself in situations where I was going to fail. It was hard to conquer anything with the weight of the past heavy on my back. They say time heals, they lie. It doesn't.

My pursuit of happiness was a failed one.