Deck of Cards

Day 36- Jen

Two of diamonds- cursed at for 0hrs

Jen's POV

Anna's diary had hit home for me, the way her words captured my pain was relaxing. Almost as if it was soothing an imaginary migraine. It was oddly comforting to know that someone else had been through the same things as I had, validation that the experience I had was not just targeted at me.

I hated to admit it but knowing that she hadn't survived it made me feel stronger, made me glad that I had been captured with such a strong group of individuals. I would have hated to be in Anna's position, with rigged special treatment to make everyone turn against her.

Ava walked into my room around ten with puffy eyes and a sniffling nose, obviously the diary had upset her more than it had to me.

"Anna," she muttered, before sinking into my bed. Dark bags were present under my eyes and she rubbed them in an attempt to stay awake.

"I know, its awful but oddly interesting," I said aloud, I couldn't help but be excited by the knowledge. To live your experiences through someone else's was strangely amazing if not a bit saddening.

"I can't believe how horrid he was in the first games. It wasn't really the whole physical side like it was for us but more mental. Where is she now?" She said staring out of the window as if willing Anna to come back to life. I suppose she was more moved by the story because she had witnessed so many girls go through it and never cared for their stories, I bet she wished she had asked them.

We sat in silence as the TV ran, giving some story about a man who was rescued from an active volcano. As always they played a segment about us, 'The five beautiful girls recused from the most evil man in history'. The world loved us, gushing reporters would always speak about how brave and strong we were. They didn't know the whole story, they didn't know how each one of us had thought about giving up, how each one of us had relied upon Ava entirely. She was really the only hero of the story.

"I want to make her story known," Ava blurted out and broke me from my daydream state.

"How?" I asked dubiously, Ava really liked that girl.

"Well I'm going down to computers today to find out some information and then I might contact the papers. Give them an insider scoop," she said it with a gleam in her eye, one that I had never seen before. It was quite obvious that she wanted something to do, something to keep herself from remembering her memories by digging deeper into someone else's.

"Sounds good," I mumbled as I turned my attention back to the TV screen. A reporter with a shiny smile was reading off some facts that had been published and reported on before, something struck me about her. The way that she looked into the camera with teary eyes, unlike the dead ones that I had seen before, I realised that she was the first that had felt for us. She was the first to break the professional boundaries, she was the first to show some human emotion to our case.

"They girls are all safe.." She choked out a sob, her tears blinding her vision. I wondered if she could see her crew shaking their heads telling her silently to get it together.

"You know what, everyone has heard these words before. A bunch of facts and names, what haven't we heard? Any real news as to how the girls are, why do not know anything about them since they've escaped. Has Jen been reunited with her baby? Did people even know she had a baby?" Ava was paying attention now, both of our eyes were glued to the screen as I imagined many people were across the country.

"Is Sally's dad ok? Did anyone even look into that, did anyone ask why she was taken at the hospital? Well she was, I asked the police and they can confirm that she was taking before even seeing her dad. Scarlett, why was that reunion with your boyfriend so angry and tearful? Hannah, why did you not hug your parents? Ava where are you now? Where will you go? Why are these questions not being asked? Why are we just settling with the bare basics of this case? Because we don't want to know the truth, we as a nation don't want to hear about those girls' real struggles. We don't want to hear that they all come from dysfunctional families," she was cut off by the weather man and we were left to sit in silence taking in what we had just heard.

"That was intense," Ava mumbled to herself and I nodded despite the question not being directed at me. Ava got up and went downstairs, probably to start researching so she could forget about everything, a coping mechanism in my opinion.

After about an hour I heard a knock at the door which I immediately sprung up and answered hoping that it was Ava coming back to tell me what she had found out; I needed something to focus on.

Instead of Ava, an officer stood by my door with a female wearing business clothes who was holding some files.

"Can we come in?" He asked in a gruff voice. I nodded with a confusion expression and sat back down on my bed while then drew out chairs. The woman wore a worried expression and my first instinct was that she was some sort of therapist which I didn't need.

"Jenifer.." She began but I butted in immediately

"Jen,"

"Right.. Jen we have some news for you about your mother and son. Last week we found a woman's body and an infants in a lake. When the DNA showed that you were related we thought that maybe we were dealing with a serial killer that had something against your family. We thought nothing about suicide because they looked to be bound up with ropes. We realise now that it was a cover up, I don't know how to put this but your mother killed herself and your child," she looked at me in pitying eyes as she told me. All I said in my head was 'no', I was waiting for her to turn around and tell me that they weren't sure. That it wasn't definite. But it was.

They left me as I crumpled to the floor in agony, my heart physically aching. My sobs rang round the room as I lay like a baby on the floor, a wounded baby. All I think of was his face, his angelic little face falling underwater with her right beside him. I would never see him again, she had stripped me of every privilege that I had as a mother.

The pain was never ending, it stayed with me all the evening never ceasing but just growing stronger as I cried. My tears dried up but it didn't stop me from continuing to bury my head into the pillow trying to block out reality. I pinched myself till bruises formed, all I wanted to do was wake up from the nightmare. There was no nightmare. Only the truth. I had lost my child to the woman who would never serve her time. She would never sit in a prison cell, never have to face up to the consequences of her actions.

Ava never came back to see how I was, I think she was warned not to disturb me. At around 3 am, after a sleepless night I decided that I couldn't stand thinking about it anymore- I needed an escape. Grabbing the booklet from my bedside table I immersed myself in the words of Anna.

30th January 1984

Dear Diary,

Every second I spend in here is hell. Today was a diamond which meant a day of abuse from the other girls as we stayed inside all day. Sandra called me a slut and Tammie called me the b word which hurt me deeply. The other two girls just stood by and watched as they slurred abuse at me, the boss didn't argue with them and let them carry on.

To think that we were friends at the start of this, to think that there was a time where we all got along and tried to plan our escape. Those days are far gone, I can't even remember calling Sandra my best friend. If only he would stop with the special treatment, if only he realised what it caused. Maybe he does realise and that's why he does it. He is evil after all.

I heard Tammie say that she loved him, that's when she called me bitch. She wants him all to herself and somehow I'm in the way. Why won't he leave me alone?

I wonder if there are any other girls in his house, I haven't seen them whilst cleaning. Cassandra tried to escape the last time she was cleaning by breaking a window but she was attacked by the dogs. The boss had her locked up for two days and she has only just returned. I can't feel sympathy for her, it was her fault.

The other girls have not found these notes in the cracks yet and I hope they won't. It will only spur them on to hurt me and insult. I must sleep now, someone is stirring.

Anna