Deck of Cards

Day 51- Jen

Seven of hearts- left alone for 4hrs

Jen's POV

I had settled into my home, it felt odd to say that. In hindsight, it wasn't really a house but to me it felt like the world all wrapped into one place. My old flat had been a disaster waiting to happen, mold growing on the walls and a landlord that didn't know when to stop harassing me for the rent. This one was clean, small but it fit me fine. I had everything I needed and what made it better was I didn't need to pay rent till I got a job; I had been placed on benefits for the second time of my life but this time it wasn't going to be a permanent thing. I had told myself that getting a job would my number one priority.

You see the issue is when you have no qualifications, and a troubled past, no one wants to hire you. I had been rejected ten times, many said they feared for my mental state which had already been tested to be fine. A medical miracle some said, most people are traumatised by a lot less. I suppose I saw it as fiction, I never felt like it was real and happening. Or maybe I got so caught up in other life that I forgot about all my worries and problems.

The house was perfect as I said, however there was one part that I hated. There was a spare room, I couldn't help thinking it was for a nursery. For my child. My dead child. The child who managed to perish at the bottom of a lake while I was sat in a cell smiling at the memory of his face. The pain would never go, only dim and dull on certain days letting some glimmer of happiness shine through.

"Yes I'm going out the door," I shouted down the phone to Ava who was checking that I was actually going to my job interview, she had become protective of me since we departed. Yesterday had been a special day for her, she had really been pushed to her limit; the answer to one of my many questions was exactly what I had thought, of course my mother had approached him. Money hungry cow.

The streets of Oxford were harsh in the winter and I felt their wrath as I walked along them, the new city was becoming home to me quickly. The old cracks in the walls, the buildings. I was placed on the outskirts, in some council flats located around a ten minute bus ride from the centre. I was going for an interview at a cafe there, my hand still shook as I sat on the bus hoping that this time it wouldn't go wrong. I had worked in a Costa before back where I used to live but it hadn't lasted long after a row with the employer after I brought my baby to work. I suppose I didn't have that problem anymore.

The buzz of people was alive at nine in the morning, tourists and students alike walked the street as well as some business men. Walking into the Clarendon centre, I felt my whole body attacked by nerves, I was terrified of being rejected yet again.

"Hello Jenifer," the man in Costa said while sipping on a cup of coffee, we were surrounded with customers and I felt a bit out of place with a man sat opposite me with a laptop and pad of paper.

"Hello," I replied politely, quietly playing with my fingers under the table.

"So before I ask anything about the job, I must ask. How is your mental state?" I sighed, I had now been asked this question more times than I could count on all my fingers.

"The doctors say I am fit to work and I am mentally stable. They say it is better if I work," my voice faltered slightly from nerves but he chose to ignore it and typed something on his computer.

"Ok what is your experience with places like here?" He gestured around the busy space full of people sipping on coffees trying desperately to wake themselves up.

"I used to work in a Costa," I said proudly, for once I had some experience to contribute to the job.

"Why did you leave if you don't mind me asking?" For a moment there was a flash of panic on his face and he cough awkwardly, "Oh my gosh I am so sorry. I forgot, you probably left because of the..."

"Kidnapping?" I finished his sentence that he felt too uncomfortable to say, "No, I left my last post after a conflict with the manager. He said I couldn't bring my child into work when I couldn't find a nursery. I quit."

I really believed I had blown it by acknowledging that part of the past, my employer wouldn't want a defiant girl who wouldn't take no as answer.

"Passion," he said which made me wake up a bit and I stared at him like a madman.

"Caring, experience. Good manners from what I have witnessed. Mentally stable which is more than most of our workers. Strong family values. In need of a purpose. You sound perfect Ms Jenifer," he said, I was waiting for the 'but'. The part where they say 'you would be perfect but we can't deal with your baggage, your past'.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused as to what he was implying.

"You got the job! Don't screw this up," he said taking the last sip of coffee before he finished. Standing up he went to shake my hand but instead I hugged him tightly causing a laugh to erupt out of the man's body before he shook my hand and I looked down embarrassed.

Hurrying out of the cafe, Ava's number was already dialling and I pressed the phone to my ear waiting for her to pick up.

"What's up?" She said cheerily, I could hear a kettle in the background. She had been moved to Swindon, it seemed like a massive distance away but at least it wasn't as bad as Hannah who was all the way up north.

"I got the job!" I shouted down the phone excitedly, it wasn't really a big job and it wouldn't pay my rent but at least it was a start. I wouldn't need to pay rent till I was at a full time job which would take a while but at least I had a start.

Almost skipping down the street, I slowed down to appreciate my surroundings. Everything was so beautiful, so full of colour. I decided that happiness was achievable, I just had to work hard at it.