TF2: Doctor's Assistant

(10) "I Have No Idea."

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months...the next thing I know I'm lying on my bed across from Medic's, wide awake the night before my first mission. I couldn't sleep. I feared that I would never wake up, or that this would be my last time sleeping before death. I was fully expecting to die by this point, but I wasn't scared anymore...I wasn't scared of death...I was scared of dying...The same questions were floating around my brain, and they were making me go crazy. Would it be quick and painless? Or would it be slow and agonizing?  Knowing the BLU team, they always took the ladder. 

Every time I found myself becoming scared, I usually had a talk with Medic...and he was always able to calm me down. I'd lost count of how many times he's had to sit with me for hours on end and just...talk...We'd learned a lot about each other that way.

I got into such deep thought that once the thoughts started to drift away, I now was noticing the tears that were sliding down my cheeks. I sniffed and rolled over stuffing my face into my pillow to muffle my shaking breathing. I had to stop crying. I had to toughen up and get out there. I had to trust the man sleeping across from me, that nothing would happen to me.

"Frau..?" a tired voice reached my ears. I stopped breathing for a second, hoping that he would just go back to sleep. I didn't move either, but he wasn't fooled. 

"Frau...I don't remember anyvne who could ever sleep vith zheir face in zhe pillow.." He whispered. I sighed in frustration, turning and lying on my side, facing him. It was dark, so I hoped that he couldn't see me very well even though I could clearly see him through the pitch black room. He was looking straight at me, though he wasn't wearing his glasses. I could make out every detail of his face in the darkness. 

"I...I know.." I finally replied. "I got it this time.." There was a moment of silence as I wiped off my face. My breathing had returned to normal as I rolled over on my other side, my back now facing him. I heard him sigh. 

"You said you vere ready...it's too late to back out now..." I heard him say. 

"I know..." I replied quietly. He thought carefully for a second. 

"Turn around.." He then whispered. I frowned, but turned around again, facing him once more. I was surprised to see what he was doing. He was reaching out to me, his hand outstretched as if he were trying to touch me. I layed there, staring at his hand, not understanding what he wanted. 

"Take my hand, Frau..." he whispered. "Bitte..?" Part of me wanted to ask him why, but my submissive side to him acted, slowly reaching out and taking his hand, our fingers intertwining. I blushed slightly, I could feel my cheeks heating up. He was looking straight at me again. 

"Now, promise me...you von't back avay...You vill be strong..." He whispered, but he sounded completely serious how he spoke. It was like his words were being passed through our linked hands instead of through mouth to ear. I nodded quietly. 

"You won't have to tell me again..." I said quietly. "You've taught me a lot...I owe you..." he smiled and shook his head. 

"Nein..." He said in a hush. "You just do your best tomorrow...make me proud..."

His voice was making something in my head slowly click as he continued to comfort me. I gripped his hand slightly tighter as I eventually drifted off to sleep to the quiet German accent, seeming to lull me to a deep slumber. 

______________________________________________________________________________

I was standing at the gate with Scout early the next morning. On this mission, Spy would be with Scout and I, and together we would quickly run into the BLU base and take out some planned targets, including their Heavy to prevent so much difficulty during the next attack. The others would stay on guard in case they lashed back, because Soldier had bet on all his missiles that the BLU team would attack almost immediately after discovering us. 

I loaded my pistol as Spy looked over at me, giving me a quick smirk. I smirked back as I gave him a tip of my ball cap. Unlike before, I'd never felt more ready for this in my life. I actually felt a bit exited. As Scout continued to annoy Spy, I turned and looked over at the Medic. He quickly smiled at me as I walked over to him. 

"Hey...how well do you think this will go?" I asked, smiling at him from under my hat. He chuckled, playfully pushing down my cap.

"I have no idea..." He replied. "Hopefully vell...I don't see a scared little kind anymore. Only a strong Frau." I smiled up at him. 

"Thank you again..." I said softly as the other men talked to one another. "I wouldn't be standing here if you didn't wake me up..."

"Don't zhank me.." he smiled. "Only do so vhen you vake up on zhe operating table." I laughed, giving him a playful push, walking back over to the other two. Scout was crouched by the edge of the garage door as Spy stood by the button. 

"Ready?" He asked. I nodded, smiling and holding my pistol. 

"Good...let's go."

With the press of a button, and a check of cover...

We were off.