TF2: Doctor's Assistant

Final...

The lifeless hills rolled past the window as the road stretched ahead. It didn't seem that there was any life at all in the land around...even plants ceased to grow in the intense heat of New Mexico. It was nice and cool inside the RED Bread van as it drove at an almost melancholy pace down the dry and cracked asphalt. At least the beaten down and exhausted men inside it couldn't complain, sitting back against the walls of the van, nursing their small wounds. Some small burns, others bullet wounds...even one stab wound. Nothing too deadly or life threatening. Despite the calm that everyone would normally feel after finishing a battle, nobody said a word to one another. It seemed everybody was soaking in defeat, trying to take in what they had seen back there. If anything...a terrible feeling of shame hung over the men like a dark grey cloud. It made the woman behind the wheel almost paranoid. There was no way there were five other men in the vehicle if it was this quiet. 

She took a second to gaze through her glasses into the the rear view mirror, as if checking to see if they'd all vanished, but they were all still there...quiet as ghosts. She wanted to say something to break the silence, but feared now was a bad time. 

Everyone had known what had happened back there. In the end they had all seen it coming. The day that they would flee like a herd of deer as their beautiful home exploded in flames behind them. The bomb had wiped out everything. The whole structure had collapsed on every support as if it were made of toothpicks. Comfy beds, belongings, and supplies was reduced to nothing but a pile of trash. Everyone had been willing to leave it behind before the BLUs came back and slaughtered the rest of them....except one...

The Spy's gaze was locked on the roof of the van, smoking another cigarette, his mind running through the events that had happened only a few short hours ago. In the end, he had seen it all. Scout had looked drunk, but there wasn't enough time to find out what happened to her. The only thing he'd had time for was dragging the Medic behind him by the back of his coat. The man had seemed calm for a short while, but had been reduced to the state of hysterics when he saw that the Scout was not running to the van with them, but was instead staggering towards the bomb in it's final seconds before detonation. He'd pulled with all his might on the Doctor as he struggled to get to her and carry her to safety. He hadn't even gotten close to her in her final seconds...that had destroyed him. Nothing ever usually affected the Spy...but seeing the Medic break down like he did seconds before his "Frau" vanished in a flash of flames and smoke...he could've never understood the full extent of it. The yelling was still echoing in his head, and it made him uncomfortable...

"Frau! Frau! Bitte Nein! Bitte Nein!"

Pyro's expression was unreadable, but he sat almost motionless in the corner of the van. None of the men were quite sure...but it was thought that the Pyro sat there...shaking with invisible tears. His friend...she was gone... Soldier was even quiet, sitting and seemingly waiting for the long van ride to end. To arrive at their next base where they would have to put up with the same thing all over again. The Sniper sat hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared quietly at the pistol in his hand. He hadn't needed to use it after all...but he wished more than anything that he could've. Just a few head shots and maybe they would still be at their base, snuggling into their beds as the sun started to set down in the horizon, casting an orange glow inside from the windshield. He felt like he should've been tired, but on the contrary, he also knew that he probably wasn't going to sleep for a couple more days at least. Not with this new weight on his chest.

Now the doctor...looked well beyond any state of shock that anybody had ever seen. He was hunched forward, holding his head in both of his hands and staring straight at the floor. His gaze was distant, his expression somewhere between uncertain and blank. He was deathly pale, his heart thudding low in his chest at a rapid pace. Pauling might've thought it was an anxiety attack, but the others knew better. He wasn't shaking, nor did he look anxious at all. The only times an expression could be detected on his face...he looked defeated, almost hopeless...but nowhere near tears. The epitome of pitiful in Soldier's eyes. His mind swam with thoughts and memories, trapped inside his own mind. He couldn't keep his mind off that moment. The moment when she had lifted her face to look at the bomb, as if looking death straight in the face. He knew that look in her eyes...she had been confused in her last moments...she most likely didn't even remember who he was. 

These thoughts danced through all of their heads as they rolled through the desert. The kicked up sand scraped gently along the steel walls as if they were in a sand storm. That was the only sense of comfort he had the time. He didn't think any words from anyone else could offer any help to ease his racing mind. All he knew...is that it was going to take a long time before he could ever look at the battle field with the same determination as before. All he could see ahead of himself was a dark void of sadness that would only drag him deeper and deeper...

But he knew...that if he ever thought it was the end...there would be a light at the end of the tunnel...some kind of hope that would urge him forward. After all...

It was his job to push forward...

He looked up at the men before him for the first time since they'd started driving away. Only five of them were left. A scary number compared to their old ten. In the end they had been beaten by a team that only had three men left. He wondered how the tables had turned, but he mostly knew why. Heavy was gone. He sighed quietly, a bit of tension being released from his chest. Somehow it felt easier to breathe. It felt like he'd been holding his breath for a long time....

and maybe he had been.