TF2: Doctor's Assistant

(12) It's Not Your Fault...

I remember screaming. 

It might've meant nothing to the BLUs, but to me...it meant everything...It might've just sounded like a muffled scream of fear, but if that gag wasn't in my mouth, they would've known how my heart had just exploded in my chest. It felt like blood should've been pouring out of my mouth. It only took a minute of struggling before I'd collapsed to my knees, screaming and shouting out of fury and grief all at the same time. I was trembling, but I didn't care. My chest tightened and it was hard to breathe, but I didn't care. All I could do was stare at Scout's body as it lie before me. I couldn't think. My mind was racing. What was I going to do? What was I going to tell the others?

This was all my fault...

It wasn't long before whoever was holding me hoisted me to my feet. The Sniper approached me, now holding his Kukri and pointing it directly at my heart. 

"Ya know...you REDs got some nerve...killin' our Heavy..." He growled, the tip of the blade pressed painfully against my heart. I didn't move, I only looked up at him. "Your Scout is gone...but it looks like your team was prepared..." Suddenly a smirk crossed his face. I was in shock, my whole body shaking, my mind not processing anything that was happening, but...that was the last thing I remember before being dropped by the man behind me, a pain spreading fast across my throat.

......................

I opened my eyes a little. I felt weak and I could barely move. I remember looking up and seeing Spy. He was holding me in his arms, running. 

"Spy..." My voice was a hushed whisper, when he didn't look at me I tried again, but a puddle of something erupted out of my mouth, the only sound coming out was a muffled gurgle. My throat....it hurt so much...

He looked down at me this time, his mask a little damp with sweat.

"Don't try to talk. I'll have you back to the base in a second..." His voice was strained as he ran, almost as if he was hurt, but I somehow knew he wasn't.  "Zhe Medic will help you...just rest, and don't you die on me..."

 I let my eyes slip closed. I could barely breathe through the pain...but somehow I managed to drift away.

........................

Careful hands were working at my neck. The pain was gone finally, and the Medi gun was putting me back together. The Medic sat me up a little and ever so gently wrapped bandages around my neck. I didn't even have enough energy to open my eyes. My thought was a haze, like I was about to fall asleep. I guessed I'd lost a lot of blood. Despite this, I forced my eyes open as far as my energy would allow. The room was a blur of colors, but...it was dark...

I didn't know whether I should've tried to talk or not, but I chose not to. I felt that I didn't deserve to speak up at that moment. My eyes slowly trailed over to the Medic. I knew this was the second time I'd come to him with a serious injury, but I never knew that I'd been so close to death. I could tell so by just looking at the Medic as we worked. His hair was a mess, he was smeared with blood, his glasses were crooked on his nose, and...I could just see it in his eyes...he was tired...but worried. 

I guess this was how he'd always looked. 

He saw me looking at him, seeming to give a sigh of relief as he put a hand on my shoulder. It seemed that he had a thousand words to say...but on the contrary, he didn't say a word. I could easily tell that he was he was aware of what happened in the BLU base. I couldn't look at him...all of it was my fault...

"Oh Frau..." He said in a hush. I don't remember thinking about it, but the next thing I know, he's holding my hands in his. "Is zhere anyzhing I can do?" He asked. I shook my head sadly. 

"No..." I said quietly. "There's...nothing you can do.." He sighed quietly looking down. 

None of us had a word to say...

After a moment he gave a quiet nod and gently put my hands back down. 

"N...naturally as a Medic...I always vant to help anyzhing I can..." He clasped his hands together in front of him. "But...I couldn't help a straight shot to the head..." He looked down. "I'm sorry."

There he was again, casting the blame on himself. I sat up a little, and when he went to push me back I put a hand on his. It made him stop and look at me for a second. I smiled weakly. 

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop?" I asked. He smiled back at me, seeming a bit hesitant, but speaking.

"I...just don't like it when you blame yourself..." He admitted. I shook my head. 

"Well..." I said, slightly touched, but my smile fading. "You would've had to be there to know why it's my fault..."