Forever & Always?

Another day passed. It was now Saturday. Moving day.

"All right, do you have everything packed?" My dad asked.

"Yeah," I said, forcing a smile.

"Did you say your goodbyes?"

"I went to Shelby's house, Travis's house, Alex's house, Jennette's house, Kara's house, and Sam's house yesterday," I said.

"Uhm honey, I believe you're forgetting someone." I paused.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe Stanford's not for me. It's across the country and I may not qualify like I thought I would."

"Honey, look at me." My dad put his hands on my shoulders.

"You are going to do amazing. I love you, I believe in you, and I know that if anyone can handle this and if anyone can make it through, it's you." I looked at him a moment longer before turning to look out the window. The sky was dreary with no possibility of the sun penetrating through the thick, gray clouds.

"I don't know, Dad. Stanford's a big deal."

"I'm not talking about Stanford, Marie." I turned my head, slightly. A tear slid down my face.

"I'm going to finish packing the car. I'll take my car and head to the airport. You take yours and go see him."

"We can't take two cars," I said.

"I'll have your uncle drive me back to the airport to pick up your car some time next week. Now go." I looked to him. I let my broken smile shine through before walking out to my car.

I let minimal tears slip from my eyes on my ride to Daniel's house. I pulled up to the curb and walked up his driveway. My eyes focused on the cement below my feet.

"Marie," Daniel said, hopefully. He had been at the sink of his kitchen, watching me through the open window in front of him. He ran outside and wrapped his arms around me so firmly. I hugged him tightly, crying silently on his shoulder. He wrapped one arm around me completely and used his other hand to hold my head onto him. His hand on my head felt like a helmet, protecting me from the pain of falling. He tilted his head over so his face was on my neck. I could feel his tears seep through my hair. The warmth of his breath was comforting in the most uncomfortable situation. He released me, putting my face in his hands. He kissed me. I jumped up, wrapping my legs around him. He held my legs and continued to kiss me. His hands were strong, his lips smooth. God, I loved him. I couldn't do this. I tried to stop my tears long enough to get one last kiss from him. I couldn't do it. I started bawling. I left the kiss and dug my face into the side of his neck. He brought his arms to my back and held me tight. I kept my legs wrapped around his waist. I never wanted to leave. The smell of old spice on his neck reminded me of everything pleasant this past year. He was mine and I could not bear to let that slip through my fingers by choice.

"It's okay, Marie. Listen to me. You are going to go to Stanford. You are going to fall in love with some other guy and you are going to have a beautiful family. You are going to be just fine and I promise you that. And no matter what, Marie..." he paused, beginning to cry.

"Marie, you'll always be my baby." Sobs. He began sobbing. My sobs continued. Oh, how terrible this had become.

"I love you more than my entire life," he whispered. I tightened my grip on his body. Immediately, it all flashed back. Everything; walking into chemistry for the first time and seeing his face. Bumping into him as he waited outside the door for Cam. Looking to him in choir as I sang on stage. I remembered the look on his face as he stood against my locker, asking me to go on an adventure with him. I remembered climbing the mountain and I remembered laughing at him in choir when him and Cam sang their duet. I remembered the all nighters we would share and I remembered the constant battles. I thought about all of our own personal battles and how we helped each other through each of them. I could not bring myself to forget prom night and the amazing time we shared. I could still feel every powerful emotion that had come over me when I found out drugs were now a part of his life. I could still see the bright sun on the day we fought on the mountain. I remembered each and every hug we ever shared. That was something different about us. We liked to kiss and cuddle, but we were both completely and utterly in love with our hugs. I loved him. The thought of losing him caused every nerve in my body to tense and every piece of my heart to shatter. I pushed my hands against his chest, signaling for him to drop me. He did.

"I guess it's time," I said with tears streaming down my face. he had this certain look on his face that seemed to be begging me to stay, but knowing I couldn't. It was a horribly sad face with lowered eyebrows and disappointed blue eyes and a mouth with curled down ends and a nose crinkled up to hold in the tears. I turned my body, walking to my car. I stopped at the door, looking back up at Daniel who never once moved his eyes away from me. Of course, I ran back to him. I ran back to him so fast. His eyes grew hopeful and I kissed him and kissed him and kissed him. I kissed my life and my happiness and my anger and my stress. I kissed everything I feared and everything I had lost and everything I had become. He was everything. I locked hands with him, our noses grazing over the other. My heart ached, yet soared. I wanted him in my life.

A long, long while passed. I eventually gathered up enough strength to release myself from him. I let my grip loosen. I gave him one last kiss. Our hands were still locked. I refused to let my fingers release him completely. He did it for me. I backed up before turning around and walking to my car.

"Marie." I stopped completely. I was prepared to run back to him with any small gesture showing me he wanted me to.

"Forever and always?" I looked back at him. My feet planted to the ground beneath me.

"Always and forever."

    ***

I drove away, my body numb. Only this time, my body allowed me to cry. Actually, my body forced every ounce of sadness out of me until I could not control the ridiculous amount of tears escaping my eyes. The sky cried with me. I remembered the time Daniel cheated on me. I had thought that losing someone I loved to another person was the most painful feeling one could experience. I was wrong. The most painful feeling one could ever endure is being so completely in love with someone who is so completely in love with you, but have to live a life without eachother. A different life a thousand miles away. My heart had never felt so heavy. I had been through Hell, but no situation ever prepared me for the pain I had felt then.

"Is...there's gotta be a reason. You gotta have a plan," I said, looking up while driving, tears sliding down both cheeks.

"God, you have a tendency to do this to me. You let me sink and then you raise me up higher than I was before. Well I'm ready. Please, God. Lift me up, don't let me sink. Give me hope. Give me hope before it's too late." My voice was hopeless. My tears were endless.

I made it to the airport with a struggle. I hugged my father and boarded the plane. I was a different person now and I had a new life.

The plane began to take off. I slide my headphones out of my bag and unraveled them, placing one headphone in each ear. I plugged the other end into my phone. I turned on my shuffle music. I looked out the window and with zero hesitation, the song that had saved me a million times saved me once more. My heart lifted as my eyes focused on the small town I was leaving behind me, the lyrics reminding me that I would be okay, even if nothing else was.

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That's their story. It's been an absolute pleasure sharing this with you. Thank you and stay beautiful forever and always.