Raw [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 16

Concentrating is a foreign concept to me since speaking with Caroline. I feel like my emotions are being smacked around in pin ball machine and I am so overwhelmed by it that I feel nauseated. The information she gave me and the unanswered questions still lingering in the forefront of my mind have stolen every available brain cell, so all I can think about are thoughts regarding James.

I want to know everything and wonder if he will ever tell me. How did his parents die? Were they in the accident? How old was he? Does he have any other family? What happened after he lost his football scholarship? Is Caroline his only heartbreak? What else makes him vulnerable? Will he let me love him the way he deserves?

I'm not sure how I managed to actually make it through a whole workday with all those questions ricocheting against my skull. I'm certain that Alex thinks I've contracted some disease that ceases the use of my vocal cords or that I'm a huge bitch because I barely uttered an entire sentence during the seven hours we worked together. Every attempt he made to speak to me, whether work related or otherwise was followed with a one-word response or nothing at all. It was difficult for me to even absorb what he was saying most of the time because of how consumed my mind was, much less respond.

When the day ended, I raced home hoping to find James here, only to be disappointed yet again. Now, I have my laptop and Caroline's client file spread out on Maggie's kitchen table so that I can at least finish the listing for the South Thomaston cottage she would like to sell. Our conversation about James lasted for so long that we didn't have enough time to actually discuss the condo, so she was kind enough to email me the information from her cell phone while she was on the road. My lack of concentration today eliminated the possibility of me getting this done, so now I'm forced to sit here and finish it at eight o'clock at night.

As I sit, typing the necessary data into the electronic listing, I can't stop myself from wondering where James is tonight. His voicemail message said that he wanted to talk to me so that he could explain. I didn't trust myself to speak with him over the phone without getting upset or angry, so I avoided responding all together. I'm regretting that choice now, because I'm anxious and unfocused and still fretting over what he may tell me.

"What are you doing working in here?" Maggie asks me, pulling up a chair next to me.

I let out a tiny puff of air, "Geez, you scared me. I didn't hear you come in the kitchen."

She pulls her feet into the chair and hugs her knees. "Of course I did, you've been staring at the door jam with a half open mouth for entirely to long to be appropriate. Do you have feelings for my door jam and my roommate Ms. Patterson?" She laughs at her lame joke with wide, cheerful eyes.

My eyes make a large roll in their sockets, "You know that you're the only person that thinks you're funny, right?"

"Am not. Brandon thinks I am hilarious." She laughs again, this time loudly and in a dramatic, theatrical fashion. I know she is trying to over-do her good mood because I'm still in a bad one, while treading lightly around me. She is always nervous on day one of me coming out of my mute, darkened state of mind because it only takes the slightest trigger to thrust me back into that mindless silence. I appreciate her for it, even if it annoys me.

"He doesn't and you know it. But thanks for trying to make me laugh. I love you for it." I force my eyes to focus on the incomplete listing on my laptop monitor, continuing to enter the details.

"You love me anyway."

Nodding, I agree. "I do."

"So, are you in here because you're waiting up for him?"