Raw [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 13

         The tension is palpable in the air around us. Without exchanging a single word, we walked hand in hand to James' bedroom and as soon as the door closed behind us, he dropped my hand and retreated to the bathroom.

Standing here awkwardly, I'm feeling the urge to bolt down the hall and out the front door. I could just leave and go stay at my Dad's and avoid facing this. I hear the water running in the bathroom, which I believe is my cue to leave. I turn towards the door, only to be caught by his heady stare from the open bathroom door.

"Oh no you don't," he says gently.

My eyes are downcast, staring at a random piece of chipped paint on the doorframe. I feel the tears building again, because everything about this wonderful man brings all my emotions to the surface and seems to make me cry. I don't know how I'm going to look him in the eye and take back everything I said last night.

I'm not a liar, I never say things that I don't mean and while I really did mean every word I murmured in the dark last night it doesn't change the fact that this relationship is toxic because of me. I'm poison and he is like an aged, appreciated wine. Putting us together is the promise of the fatality of one of our fragile hearts. We are like a train wreck waiting to happen, except instead of being unstoppable there is something that can be done to save us both. No good can come from this, I have to be strong for both of us so squaring my shoulders I turn the knob of the door and open it wide.

"James, I'm really sorry this happened tonight. You didn't deserve to deal with that. I... I think—"

His arms encircle my body, pulling me tightly against him and stopping my effort to say the most painful sentence that will ever leave my lips.

I knot my fingers in his t-shirt behind his back, pressing my body so tightly against him that I don't know where I end and he begins. Tears are freely falling from my eyes, wetting his shirt where my face is pressed into it.

"I know what you're trying to do and I'm not going to let you, so you can stop this right now." His voice is firm and resolute, calming the anxious quivering of my heart. "You're not running. You're not going to push me away. I think we've established that you've already failed that attempt."

Openly sobbing into his shirt, I listen to him say all the right things, making it harder and harder for me to follow through with what I know is the right thing to do.

He cradles my face in his hands, making me look deep into his caramel eyes. "I should have said something to you on the way back and I'm sorry if you think I'm upset with you. I'm not."

He kisses my forehead, pushing all of his adoration and emotion into me through the touch of his lips. "I was angry that someone put their hands on you. I wanted to break his body in half, Rory. I was just so angry that he did that to you and that because of my lack of control, your beautiful face was showered in blood and not my kisses."

He wipes away my tears with his thumbs, "I should have walked away. I shouldn't have hit him." Taking a long, very deep breath he looks up at the ceiling with a subtle shaking of his head before looking back down at me.

"I just saw red, Ror. A man should never put his hands on a woman, especially my woman. He was hurting you and I just –"

I put my fingers against his lips, stopping his rambled attempt to apologize for something that isn't his fault. "Stop. This is so far from being your fault, James. You have no reason to apologize."

Smiling through my tears, I pull on his lip with my thumb before kissing him reverently. I thread my fingers in his short hair, kissing him along the side of his jaw, on his nose and his forehead. It's so humbling to feel such raw emotions for somebody that you're willing to sacrifice every shred of your own happiness for theirs.