Raw [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 7

My body is finally beginning to relax after the whirlwind of emotions I've felt this evening. One glass of milk and a ten milligram melatonin later, I finally feel like I can let my mind rest, which will hopefully settle the many emotions that have been radiating through every part of me since feeling the resolute acceptance of my need to be with James. I'm not the girl who is brazen or confident when dealing with her feelings, I'm the girl who breezes past all the seriousness with sarcasm and witty banter. I can't navigate this. I've been dumped into the center of uncharted territory and am being forced to use my heart to guide me through, which is terrifying and unfortunate because I don't trust my heart.

My heart is naïve and still too broken to guide me. My past attempts to be directed by my hopeful heart ended tragically, so now I've erected a wall around it, protecting it from being broken beyond repair. I'm still baffled at how easily James is already chipping away chunks of that wall, exposing all the broken pieces of my heart and filling it with himself. My heart has been safely hidden away since losing Belle all those years ago and nobody has come close to finding the walls around it, much less chipping away at them.

I have to admit that I do feel some reverence about what happened today, even if we both behaved awkwardly afterward. It's not typical of a guy to expose himself that way and whether he intended to or not, he tore himself open for me the moment I wrapped my arms around him. The power of our embrace rocked me so hard that I felt it in my soul. James has left his imprint deep inside of me and I know that I have to find a way to accept what my heart is feeling, I just don't know how.

Turning onto my side, I bury my face into my pillow letting my body drift of to sleep, hoping that the melatonin will keep my nightmares at bay and for once let me dream a happy dream. A dream of love and acceptance. A dream of James.

My knees are wet. The ground is cold against my bare legs.

Why won't Daddy let me go to her? Why won't she stay?

"Mommy! Mommy! Wait!"

I'll pack my books and my crayons. I'll pack my prettiest dress, then she will let me come.

"You both be good girls for your Daddy." Mommy says to us as she puts her bags in the back of the man's truck.

Belle runs away inside the house, slamming the door. Belle is mad, but I'm not mad. I want to go with her.

"Mommy! Wait for me!"

Mommy gets in the truck and closes the door.

"Mommy! Wait! Wait for me!"

I push and kick my lets, but my Daddy holds me tight against him. "It's okay sugar bear. It's gonna' be okay."

"No! I want my Mommy! Mommy! Wait!"

The truck is moving now! "Daddy, let go! Let me go!"

I'm screaming. I'm screaming so loud but Mommy isn't stopping. Why won't she wai—

"Rory, wake up."

I'm wrapped around something solid and warm and it's comfortable, except that I can't breathe. I'm panting wildly and gripping onto whatever I can wrap my fingers around.

"Rory, it's okay. Just take a deep breath." My hammering heart immediately slows at the sound of his familiar voice.

I lift my head, letting my eyes focus on the damp white t-shirt clinging to his body and my fingers that are knotted into it. "James?"