ARTIFICIAL

H U S H E D T A L K S

Ravina

I may not be known as someone who makes the most stupid decisions in the world but I sure do hope someone who makes the most stupid decisions doesn't die anytime soon.

The walk back to my room is filled with hushed mumbles of "what the hell's" because what the actual hell is wrong with me? I may have made things worse than I needed to.

I admit I was angered by the fact that Nathaniel keeps pushing me around like a Ragdoll on strings but I did not have to speak out of turn. He could throw me out of his house and into the dirt right now.

Or worse, he could cancel the engagement.

I must remember that no matter what I desire, his desire comes first. His will comes before mine as I have been trained all my life to be. Insulting him is the last thing I should do, now I have to keep my gaze down and make sure we don't cross paths again.

I will admit though, the feeling of being used is disgusting. Funny enough, receiving oral should be benefiting the receiver and yet it makes me not want to have it again. But what if he wants to do it again and I don't? How will I reject his advances then?

I shake the idea out of my head as I sit in front of my computer looking for job vacancies online. There's one thing that my fiance has made possible for me since -and I quote- "I don't care what you do with your day". It means I have freedom. Or some freedom.

I can have a job.

I may not need one per se but I want to do something. I need to do something, I hate coming up short when I'm sitting around and having to wonder what I'll do next. The hours are long, the days are repeated and it's exhausting trying to make it through the day.

When I lived with Angus he made me do things for him like house chores and all that. But Nathaniel seems to have hired people for everything and left me with nothing to do. Why should I be a housewife when the house already has care takers?

I'll just go play doctor with other people since my husband doesn't want me playing doctor with him. At least they will appreciate my work seeing as I have a Bachelor of Surgery just sitting and waiting to be used.

As I typed away on my computer, a knock on my door came just as I finished one of my applications. I turn the computer off and walk towards the door to open it.

I open to Angela holding a plate of snacks and a cola for me with a soft smile. "I thought you could use something to eat, you've been here a long time." She says.

"Angela, thank you. Please, come in." I step aside as I let she in. "I've been applying to different hospitals for job vacancies. I'm getting restless doing nothing."

"I thought you were just unwell since you know- you had a private meeting with Mr Wader." She says placing the goods on the table near the wall.

My bedroom is actually larger than my former one. Housing a couch and a small coffee table with its own flag screen at the corner. All I need is a kitchen and I would never have to get out of here.

"Believe it or not, your boss is better than my brother in those meetings." I reply taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"So you're not in trouble?" She asks, clear concern in her voice. Whatever would I do without her here.

"Hardly. He just doomed me to have a bodyguard whenever I go for a run." I reply taking a bit of some cookies. Soft and chocolatey Choc chip cookies are my favourite.

"I heard some... noises last night." She says carefully while watching me for my reaction.

And I don't disappoint because I start uncontrollably choking from a cookie that when I reach for my juice, it's like I lost a lot of air.