Love is Our Resistance

9/02/05

Dear Dan,

The day started out well.

I pulled back my covers and the first thing I saw was my ceiling. As always. My eyes widened as I suddenly remembered that it was the first day of school. I felt my heart clench with nervousness and my stomach begin to churn and cramp. I closed my eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. Inhale to the count of five, hold for five, exhale for five. My mum taught me that when I was young. It always helps. Plastering my classic sweet smile on my face, I stood and made my way to the restroom to shower.

Eventually, I finished my shower, packed my things into my Totoro bookbag from Hot Topic, and skipped out the door. You asked me to meet you at a stop sign on the corner, so I got there as fast as I could without seeming desperate to see you. These things always seem to concern me more than they should, considering that I feel the need to be really careful not to screw up my only friendship. Fortunately, you were already there.

You turned towards me and waved, smiling wide.

"Morning!"
I said cheerily, walking up to hug you.

Your eyes widened for a brief moment and you went rigid, holding your hand out to stop me.

"What's wrong?"
I asked, concerned.

You looked over your shoulder both ways, then behind me, and finally made a 360° turn, scanning every direction.

You released a breath and resumed your brilliant smile.

"Okay, c'mere."
You said, stepping forward and giving me a quick, tight hug.

"Are you looking for someone?"
I asked slowly.

"No. S'nothing. You excited?"

I nodded, jumping up and down and biting my lip.

"Of course! It has to be better than my old secondary school."

You chuckled.

"Why did you switch?"

I opened my mouth to explain, but quickly shut it. I trust you... but I can't talk about that yet. Not now, anyway.

After a second of silence, you put a hand on my shoulder and smiled in understanding.

"You don't have to tell me. I understand if it's personal to you."

I nodded, feeling my smile return.

"Well, what about you? Are you excited?"
I asked, changing the subject.

You looked past me at the slowly rising sun, the sliver of visible light shining directly into your chocolate eyes as you pondered the question. I shivered slightly, feeling the cool air seep through my t-shirt and onto my pale skin. Drops of dew glistened on the thin blades of grass, swaying gently with the morning breeze.

"Hell. I haven't had the will to be excited about anything since 1999. But I do want to see all the friends I lost contact with over the summer. In fact..."

You glanced down at your watch.

"Louise and Tyler should be here soon enough. If they aren't, they'll miss the bus."

"Who's Tyler?"
I asked. I had heard him mention Louise plenty of Times before, but never Tyler.

"Oh, he's... Just this guy I met at a party I went to towards the beginning of the summer. He's sweet. You'll like him."

"Sweet? Hah... sure, but did you mention what a total bitch I can be?"

A flamboyantly cheery voice came from somewhere by the stop sign on the corner.