Love is Our Resistance

9/01/05

Dear Phil,
I want to die.

I mean, I guess I should start out by thanking you for causing me to forget that I want to die for a night. That was a great time.

But since you left Saturday afternoon, I've sunken back into a pit of fury, angst, and humiliation. Why, you ask?

School starts. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, Phil. It's all over. In less than twenty-four hours.

Do you even realize what this means for me? The entire course of my existence has been thrown off a bridge. Every day of my glorious summer has been spent in a heap of my own dirty clothes and slowly melting Malteasers. Zero responsibility. Not sleeping until at least 4am. Relentlessly stuffing my face. It's all gone.

My internal clock with be unbalanced and destroyed. All meaning is lost. There is no hope for me, no sir. No hope at all.

Although... Perhaps fate will give me a break for once and land me some classes with you. But who am I kidding? If fate were in the mood to cut me any slack whatsoever, a bear would crawl through my window and rip out my larynx. Or perhaps that's all up to Mother Nature? I'm not quite sure who operates the bear department. Point is, I wish I was dead.

Every time I look down at my phone, you're sending me memes or Fall Out Boy lyrics. Can't you see I'm having a crisis, Phil? Do I really hide it that well?

Anyway, you seemed to enjoy my photography, which helped my self esteem just a tad this weekend. Though, I never really told you they were my pictures. Maybe I'm just too humble. Or maybe I'm just too painfully awkward to mention things like that.

I noticed that you're an artist yourself. You never said anything about it, but when I woke up, (before I found you asleep in my closet and nearly jumped out of my skin) I saw some of your drawings spilled out on the floor from your bag. I have to say, I was quite impressed. Not just by your skills, but your style. It's unique. Harsh and intense, yet still somehow sweet and warm. A bit like your personality. I'm not saying your personality is harsh, I'm just saying that I, personally, am not used to that much happiness in one human. I kinda love it though.

Though I am slightly concerned about you and this whole "new school" situation. I mean, I'm sure you'll be fine. If anyone messes with you, they're going to face my wrath of destruction and pain, I promise. But still... I don't know if it's possible to start new school without any issue whatsoever. But who knows. If anyone can pull it off, it's you. Plus, I think you'll like my friends. They already know plenty about you, just cause you're uh... fun to uh... talk about? Anyway, I'm sure everything will be just fine. And if it's not, I'll make it okay. I promise.

-Dan