Love is Our Resistance

9/8/15

Dear Phil,

This is where our story reaches the start of it's rising actions, isn't it? This where the conflict begins, the peace breaks, the upset settles itself around us.

When I first met you, I kept my exoskeleton of straight faces and rigid spines, but, like a chocolate truffle, my insides began to warm and soften. I knew it was safe. I knew I wouldn't have to worry if I began to grow fond of you. And believe me when I say... I have. I feel close to you even when we're apart, and I can sense the same feeling in return. You are my one and only best friend in the entire world. You... have torn down the walls I built around my heart and broken through to it's inner core. People make me think... but you... you make me feel. And I thank you.

I don't consider myself the least bit foolish. I'm not the best at anything, and I'm not looked up to by anyone. I'm rubbish, for Christs sake, but I'm not an idiot.

I don't think I should've been more careful. Because if I had been, I wouldn't have connected with you on such an other worldly level. But it was dangerous. It was what brought me down. How, you ask? Well it all started when I went back for my jacket.

"Shit. I forgot my sweatshirt."
I said suddenly, turning back to face the path from which we had come.

"Do you want me to wait while you go get it?"

"No, just go back to the house and wait there. It's getting really dark. And cold."

You nodded, and with some hesitation, began to make your way closer to the fence.

"Be careful."
You said over your shoulder, brushing a stray piece of hair from your eyes before turning back towards the road.

I'm not going to lie. I hate the dark. Fear lies within what we don't know, right? And lord only knows what could be lurking in a dark forest. Did I mention I hate trees too? Those fuckers are crawling with spiders.

I shivered and picked up my pace, the sound of crunching leaves increasing in tempo as I did so. My nose was runny and numb, the breeze chilling my rosy features more and more still as I walked.

After a few minutes, I finally approached the log we had been sitting on not long ago. I snatched up my jacket and whirled around at the sound of a stick breaking beneath a heavy foot. Not an animal. A person.

I scanned the area with squinted eyes, attempting to see into the shadows cast by every tree and bush planted there.

My heart began to pound in my chest and fear wrapped its arms around my being.

"Phil?"
I called out into the dark, just barely loud enough for someone three feet in front of me to hear.

"So you are with him."
A low voice came directly from my left.

The source of the voice stepped out from behind an oak tree with a worrying slowness.

Once I recognized that deep, rolling voice and tall thick frame... my heart stopped mid-beat.

"I-"

"Shut it, Howell. I'm not going to hurt you. Not yet, anyway."

Jackson took another step, close enough that I could see his disshevdled dirty blonde hair falling over his face.

"How did you know I was here? What do you want with me?"
I asked weakly, trying desperately not to turn around and book it back to the house.

"I've been watching you ever since it happened, Dan. All of us have. And we know what you are."

Chills ran up and down my spine at those words. We both knew what it was. And I was nearly sure I knew who all of us were. What I didn't know... was what I was.

"You've been watching me?"

"You promised us. You promised you'd change your ways and we'd never hurt you again. But you broke your promise, and we may just have to break ours."

The pieces began to fall together one by one. The group. Their motivations. Their ways.

"Jackson, you don't understand. We're just friends. Nothing more."

"Yeah?"
He took another step toward me.

"I'm not stupid. I can see the way he looks at you. I can hear the things he says. How you have..."

His face was twisted in a psychotic anger that I hadn't since Andrew's death.

"Stars on your cheeks."
Another step.

"Moon craters in your dimples."
Our faces were now inches apart.

"The light... of his life."

"Stop it. He's my best friend, he's allowed to compliment me."

My cheeks burned red, but I doubted he could see them in the darkness.

"Right. Well, I'll make a deal with you. Alright? You're not dead, as I had originally planned, so I may as well give you another chance. But if you don't want us after you anymore, all you have to do is stay away from him. That's all I'm going to say."

I mustered every ounce of my courage to clench my fists and flash a menacing look.

"Never."

"Think about it, won't you? You can even take your time. Distance yourself gradually if you need to. But if you don't... You know I have power over you. We have power over you. And we'll make you pay."

With that, he turned around and made his was back into the shadows.

Shaking, I began to sprint towards the distant fence, adrenaline fueling my long legs. Trees whizzed past me in a blur of shadows.

With the last lingering thread of courage and strength left in my body, I threw myself over the fence and drop-rolled into a ditch beside the pavement.

I ignored the sudden pain in the shoulder I had landed on and continued to run to my front door. Once I finally banged the door open, I collapsed onto the living room floor and sucked in dangerous amounts of oxygen in an attempt not to die.

"Dan?? What happened, are you okay?"
You shouted from the stairs and ran to my side.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine, I just-"
I sucked in another breath.

"I... saw a moth."

You rolled your eyes.

"You're silly."

I started to smile as you reached down to help me up. I stood, but our hands remained clasped.

My face flushed, but I quickly let go when Jackson's face flashed through my mind.

Looking hurt, you shuffled away a bit and grabbed your bag.

"Erm... I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."

I stood in the middle of the room silently, looking down as you made your way out the door and slammed it behind you.

-Dan