Just Another Fangirl

Can I Die Already?

C here :)) am i the only one that is missing Emani? I want her to write a chapter, dont you?

READ THE BOTTOM NOTE

Anyway, hope you love this chapter :)

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I open my eyes slowly.

I havnt moved from my hospital room of 2 days.

This is the second hospital i have been in this week.

After the whole fainting thing the hospital we were convientintley outside of, had no room for me.

So i have been at this hospital somewhere in new york for the past 2 days.

Cant I just get a break?

I sigh loudly, sitting up and placing my head in my hands.

You may think wow she met one direction and i wish i was her and she has so many friends but this has been the worst week of my life.

I have gotten so many notifications on my phone that my phone stopped working.

My best friend probably hates me.

So does One Direction.

My real family hasnt been here at all.

I havnt seen evan in days.

I think he hates me too.

I feel sick and weak.

I feel sad.

I feel stressed.

I feel angry.

I feel dissapointed.

I feel all the bad things you could feel.

My life is a shit hole delievered from satan himself.

What are you talking about. You met one direction and you have harry styles blood in you and blah blah blah blah blah.

None of that went well if you havnt noticed.

Harry caught me in the act of lying and hasnt talked to me since.

One person visited me.

One.

In 48 hours 1 single person visited me out of so many that couldve.

Honestly, what the fuck has my life become.

I used to have people lined up to talk to me.

I dont like this.

Not at all.

It makes me feel lonely and forgotten.

I dont need to feel that on top of all the other things i feel.

I might explode.

Too many things are building up in my body.

One day i am going to fully explode and die.

And, honestly, i dont care.

I dont care if i die.

Its really terrible but i honestly dont give a fuck.

My life is basically pointless now.

And i hate all this bipolar shit my life is doing.

Im happy then sad.

Everything is going fine then its bad then its fine again.

I feel like im just going in circles and its making me incredibly dizzy.

Being in hospital rooms for the past week has made me think.

What would life be like if i had never reinvented myself?

If i had never tried on thise clothes.

Or tried that makeup.

Or pretended to be something im not.

Would i be happier?

Would i be sadder?

Is it even possible to be more distraught than i already am?

What would life be like if i wasnt part of this world?

Would my parents be different?

Would my brother be different?

Would mac be different?

What if i died?

Who would care the most?

Who would miss me the most?

Who would cry for me?

Who would laugh?

Would everyone go on as they were?

Would i be happier?

Would i regret killing myself?

I dont think i would.

I just want all of this to end and it dosent look very light at the end of this tunnel.

I walk over to the table with my water on it.

I grab the cup and smash it on the floor.

I pick up the biggest piece.

This is it.

Goodbye world.

The door slams open making me jump dropping the glass in the pile and wiping my tears before someone sees.

What if i was killing myself as they walked in?

I should start locking doors.

Its really made my life hell.

If i had locked doors i would have been dead a while ago.

I would be at peace.

Atleast i know 2 people visited me cause that so many.

Note the sarcasm.

I dont think this person is here for the same reason though juding by their facial expression.

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PLEASE READ

So so so sorry this chapter is so short and bad. This is probs the worst chapter i have ever written but i got my phone taken away so this story probs wont be updated for a week or two.

Please dont stop reading. I will come back and write an amazing chapter for you.

In the mean time Emani will be doing character asks (i think :) )

Be nice :))

Love you guys, c