Just Another Fangirl

I Think Too Much.

Hey guys, c here :)) okay so, im still not supposed to have my phone so updates are going to be slower and school just started for me last week so thdy will be slower because of that too.

I hope you enjoy this chapter :))

Lots of love, c

Xoxo

Oh and btw this chapter is a lot like a chapter in my other story my last breath (which you should read ;))) so if you think you have read it before it was my story it came from :))

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I sit waiting for Mac to come back from telling the doctors i want to leave.

We resolved how we were feeling and we had a good talk.

I have been sitting here for 10 minutes now.

I am sitting in the hospital room that i have been in for the past 3 or 4 days.

These l days have been quite lonley, just me and my head.

With this much time alone i have thought a lot.

I have expressed to you a couple things that have been on my mind but there is one topic that keeps popping up in my head.

It started when i started thinking about the hospital.

I realized that people have died in this hospital.

I realized that people have died on this floor of the hospital.

I realized that people have died in this room.

I was surrounded by death.

And sadness.

Happiness.

Anger.

Trust.

Loyalty.

Depression.

Guilt.

Sleepiness.

Lonlieness.

Confusion.

Clarity.

Hope.

Fear.

Lies.

Truth.

Hate.

Love.

Oh, love.

What a strong word.

I realized that love is the strongest word.

That it is so strong it can break or heal the world.

See, love is thrown around like it is nothing but i have come to realize that it is so much more.

Im not sure why love is taken advantage of.

I hear the word love every corner i turn.

You know what word i never here?

Hate.

People always say hate is a strong word and it should never be said but so is love.

Love is stronger.

Love dosent mean anything to people anymore.

Its almost as if we dont even know what it is.

And mabye that is the case.

Mabye, no one knows what love trully means so we dont think about it.

We just say it.

Lets test it out.

Explain hate.

Explain how it feels to hate someone.

You could go on for hours right?

Now try to explain love.

Not that easy right?

If we dont know what love means then why do we throw it around like its nothing.

We dont even know what we are saying.

Mabye love is a lie?

Is love even a thing?

Is it just a mask to cover up the hate in this world?

You know what my answer to those questions are?

My answers in 1 sentence is, love is a lie, hate keeps the world spinning.

Sounds horrible right?

But its true.

Its so true.

Its terrible but the most true thing.

For example take a story.

When someone expresses their love to someone your heart flutters a bit but nothing more.

When someone expresses their hate to someone you read faster and get excited and you want to know what happens next.

I know why that is.

We can relate to the hate that is being shared.

We feel the same as people.

We want to know what a result of doing that to someone is.

No one can realte to love because its a lie.

Its just there to put some fake happiness in the world.

Just to make the world seem like a better place.

Hate is all around us.

It is what makes up the earth.

Not love.

If love made up the earth there would be no wars or fighting or discrimination.

Since hate runs the world, all these things occur daily.

Hate is a thing that we can never get rid of.

We can mask it and cover it up with other things but it will never trully be gone.

Like a scar.

You can cover it with make up but you know its there.

That its there under the layers.

Under the mask.

I have learned in these past few weeks to just acceot the hate and be happy.

The hate is there so accept it like you would anything else.

I hope i havnt scarred anyone out there but i wanted you to know the truth.

The truth as to why when love is said you can just shake it off but when hate is said you carry it every where.

I wanted you to be aware that every person that has said that they love you is a liar.

They cant love you if they cant explain it.

Just like you cant put a word in a sentence if you dont know the defintition.

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Sorry for the short chapter :))

I have a couple notes.

1: i am writing a new story called im happy that is coming out when this story is over so sometime next year.

2: i do have another story that i think you would like if you like this story called my last breath.

3: i love you all and i hope you have a fabulous month :)

Love, c