Just Another Fangirl

Oh. Oops.

Hey!! My lovely mac and chesses. Its c. I know its been forever since the last update and emani and i really wanted to get something new out there. Anyway enjoy :)

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Im drowning.

Fuck.

I cant breathe.

Life is holding me by my throat and dragging me down towards the darkest part of the ocean.

Death is sitting at the bottom, waiting for me, waving.

Hell is tickling my sides on the way down.

And there is nothing i can do about it.

Someone up in heaven is laughing at me.

I can hear it.

As i sit here on my bed.

Mocking me.

Enjoying the fact that while im suffering, they made it.

They made it and i cant even see the surface.

Im just being pulled deeper and deeper, slowly loosing sight of the light.

the only question i have is why?

I know everybody asks themselves this question but really.

Why?

Why did i get stuck with this weird ass life where im invited to join a world famous band only to reject and meet my long lost brother on the way.

Like wtf.

Its like my life is some sort of fanfiction a stupid ass teenage girl is writing because shes soooo inlove with the idea of this happening to her.

well this is real life, and this life is way too real.

That teenage girl with too many emotions would hate this.

She wouldnt be able to handle herself.

My story may seem stupid but in reality, every fuckin little thing hurts more than the last.

I broke once and was stitched up by the mask of my reality until the mask fell off and the scars were still there.

Each day the scars got worse.

Hurt more.

Made my life this much worse.

Im dead inside.

Sitting here i realize, im absolutley blank cause death has taken me away.

Seeing my brother.

Talking to my brother.

It just murdered me and ripped out whatever was left of my heart and threw it acroos the room.

Knock. Knock.

The door.

Im too lifeless to move.

Too weak to care who it is.

Without warning, the door opens.

Revealing no other than my brother.

Really world?

Now?

2 feet deeper i go.

"Claudia"

"Get the fuck out of my face"

"Im sorry, why do you want me gone so badly."

I laugh.

I actually laugh at the fact he said that.

His face forms into confusion.

"Could you atleast tell me what i did?"

"What you did?"

"I mean i know i showed up out of no where, but is that really a reason to cry and scream?"

"You think thats why im mad? You think im fucking mad at you cause you showed up out of nowhere?"

"Well, what the fuck else could it be?"

"You have no fucking right to yell at me right now so shut up and let. Me. Speak."

His face falls.

He didnt think i was this mad.

He realizes there is something more to this.

And here it comes.

"You know what? I had the worst childhood after mom and dad got divorced. You left. You. Fucking. Left. While i had to sit at home alone. Depressed. I made a fake me and pretended i was happy. I concinced myself i was happy because i was so miserable. You got to live a life without the horrible pain that you will never have your family back because you chose to leave. No one made you leave."

"You think i left for myself? I left because i knew the divorce was my fault. I left and did drugs and abused some other shit because i was fucking miserable. I came back cause i wanted to apologize for leaving. I wanted to apologize for leaving you."

And this is where i feel like an ass.

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Hey its c. I know this chapter is super short but it is just a filler for a new chapter hopefully coming soon. And i know its SUPER terrible but i just wanted to get my mac and cheeses something.

Love you guys ♡